Tonight I'm an alley-cat, yeah
More afraid of you than you are of me
But if you leave some food out on the porch
I might stay 'till there's nothing left to eat

I'd be sitting alone at a lunch table in high school
If I wasn't sitting alone at a punk show in Asheville
A-hey, hey, hey

Tonight the upper left hand side of my chest has a hole as big as the one in my pockets
I might've kissed you wearing a bulletproof vest
But hell, you kiss like a rocket

I'd be a teenage virgin, jerking off in my bedroom
If I wasn't a twenty-year old virgin that doesn't have a bedroom
Hey, hey, hey