[RAM]
Hey, 'Ronica

[VERONICA]
Ew... You got a left hand: Use it

[KURT]
Don't talk mean like that

[RAM]
You'll hurt their feelings
You make my balls so blue

[KURT]
You hurt them badly

[RAM]
You make my balls so blue

[KURT]
They're hangin' sadly

[RAM]
What did they do to you
That you hate them so?
[KURT]
Don't run from me
They're all beat up

[KURT & RAM]
Like a tackling dummy!

[KURT]
They long for your embrace!

[RAM]
They're warm like mittens!

[KURT]
They'll curl up on your face

[RAM]
And purr like kittens!

[KURT]
You make my balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
Just look at them glow...

[RAM]
They’re beggin' you!
[KURT & RAM]
Don't make my balls so blue

[VERONICA, spoken]
Heather...? Heather...? Open the door

[HEATHERS DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Oh no, oh no no no!

[VERONICA, spoken]
Open the door!

[HEATHERS DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Oh no, oh no no no!

[KURT]
You make my balls so blue
So please say hello!

[RAM]
Hold 'em!

[KURT]
Enfold 'em

[KURT & RAM]
And never let go!
[KURT]
Once you were geeky and nerdy

[RAM]
But they knew you're dirty

[KURT]
You've set them on fire

[KURT & RAM]
Whatever you require they'll do!
So take 'em home to meet your parents!

[RAM]
They'll wear a suit and tie

[KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
And a fancy collar!

[RAM]
They'll sing a lullaby:

[KURT & RAM]
La la la la la!

[KURT, RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Please make these balls not blue

[RAM]
Just for a while!

[KURT]
Can't wait till later

[KURT & RAM]
My pants are rubbin'

[KURT, RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Like a hot cheese grater!
 
[VERONICA, spoken]
Look! Booze. Drink!

[KURT]
Thank you so much!

[RAM]
They will protect you

[KURT]
Defend you

[RAM]
Respect you

[KURT]
Befriend you

[RAM]
Like Winnie-the-Pooh!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Winnie-the-Pooh!

[KURT]
Baby, baby, baby, they're so blue!

[RAM]
My balls will work for you

[KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
They will obey ya!

[RAM]
They really need rescue!

[KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Like Princess Leia!

[KURT & RAM]
Baby, you've gots to come through

[KURT]
Teach them to smile!

[RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You got no clue how much
These two

[RAM, KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Depend on you
Please help them through!
My balls are in your court!

[KURT & RAM]
Yeah!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You make them balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
You make my balls so blue!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You make them balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
Ow! Ow!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You make them balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
You make my balls so blue!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You make my balls so blue!
You shake them
You quake them

[KURT & RAM]
Good God!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You break—

[KURT & RAM]
My balls!
You make my balls so blue!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You make my balls so blue!
You take them

[KURT & RAM]
Lookit! Lookit!
Lookit! Lookit!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You bake them
Chrissake—

[KURT, RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
You make my balls so blue!
Please make their dreams come true
And make these balls not blue!