[Sniper drives by in his camper van. Cuts to van interior as he flicks a Civilian bobblehead]

SNIPER: Boom. Headshot.

[Cut to title card. "Magnum Force Theme" by Lalo Schifrin plays. Cut back Sniper in his camper van.]

SNIPER: Snipin's a good job, mate. .it's challenging work, out-of-doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, 'long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.

[Sniper shoots Heavy. The bullet travels through his head and also hits Demoman, who screams and shoots grenades frantically as he staggers backwards into a pit full of explosive barrels, where his grenades fall back into and blow him up]

SNIPER: Ooh.

[Cuts to Sniper talking to his Dad over the phone on a public payphone]

SNIPER: Yeah. Dad, I'm a... Y- Uh- I'm not a crazed gunman, Dad; I'm an assassin! Well, the difference being: one is a job, and the other's mental sickness!

[Cuts to Sniper driving, talking to camerman]

SNIPER: I'll be honest with ya. My parents... do not care for it.

[Cuts to Sniper climbing the ladder of a tall tower, then sitting in it, looking down his rifle's scope]

SNIPER: I think his mate saw me. Yes, yes he did!

[Cuts to a timelapse of Sniper drinking coffee and filling up multiple jars with his urine. Then cuts to Sniper stabbing a BLU Spy through the chest from behind with his kukri, before cutting back to Sniper in the van talking to the camerman]
SNIPER: Feelings? Look, mate. You know who has a lot of feelings? Blokеs who bludgeon their wife to dеath with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

[Team Fortress 2 theme plays, then cuts to Sniper still on the phone to his dad]

SNIPER: Dad! Da— p— put Mum on the phone.