Did you learn your lines today?
Well, there is no rehearsal
The tickets have all been sold
For tomorrow's matinee

There's a telegram from the writer
But there is no rehearsal
The electrician has been told
To make the spotlights brighter

There is one seat in the circle--
Five hundred million in the stalls
Simply everyone will be there
But the safety curtain falls
When the bomb that's in the dressing room
Blows the windows from their frames
And the prompter in his corner is sorry that he came

There is one seat in the circle--
Five hundred million in the stalls
Simply everyone will be there
But the safety curtain falls
When the bomb that's in the dressing room
Blows the windows from their frames
And the prompter in his corner is sorry that he came
When the bomb that's in the dressing room
Blows the windows from their frames
And the prompter in his corner is sorry that he came

Did you learn your lines today?
Well there is no rehearsal
The interval will last until
The ice-cream lady melts away

The twelve piece orchestra are here
But there is no rehearsal
The first violinist's hands are chilled--
He's gone deaf in both ears

Well, the scenery is colorful
But the paint is so damn thin
You see the wall behind is crumbling
And the stage door is bricked in
But the audience keep arriving
'til they're standing in the wings
And we take the final curtain call
And the ceiling crashes in

There is one seat in the circle--
Five hundred million in the stalls
Simply everyone will be there
But the safety curtain falls
When the bomb that's in the dressing room
Blows the windows from their frames
And the prompter in his corner is sorry that he came