Bill Wurtz
2 friends on the beach
2 friends on the beach
The camera shows 2 people sitting on the beach, looking at the water. Text saying “2 friends on the beach” can be seen
Friend 1: Are we friends?
Friend 2: Yes!
They continue looking at the water. The camera then zooms out, showing a picture of the friends in a picture gallery. Two people who look identical to the ones in the picture are looking at the picture
Friend 1: Mm, thats a very good picture
Friend 2: Yeah
Friend 1: I’m gonna buy it
They then walk to the checkout
Friend 1: I think i’m gonna take the friendship picture
Cashier (in a very soft voice): Okay
They then leave the gallery
Friend 1: Thanks for coming with me, i always but terrible pictures. Unless you’re here, then i buy the good ones
Friend 2: Aww, thats sweet
They then get into a car. Friend 1 presses a button that says “Go somewhere” and starts driving
Friend 1: You know, once of the great things about that picture gallery place is, they have air conditioning, but you can never actually feel the air blowing
Friend 2: I felt it
Friend 1: No you didn’t
Friend 2: Yeah, no, i didn’t, i just wanted to see if you were actually “invested in the conversation”
Friend 1: Hahahahahahahaha! Lets go out to dinner
Friend 2: Is that what we had planned?
Friend 1: Yes, but i planned it again, just to make sure
*They then arrive at the restaurant. They park the car and get out.*
Friend 1: This place is really good. Its one of the top rated places
Friend 2: Ooh!
*They enter the restaurant.*
Friend 1: Should we go in the lobster section?
Friend 2: I can't handle that right now
Friend 1: Okay, lets just sit on the roof
*They are now sitting on the roof of the restaurant.*
Friend 1: So how's your family?
Friend 2: I have two families
Friend 1: How's the better one?
Friend 2: Pretty good
Friend 1: I have zero families
Friend 2: How's that one?
Friend 1: Its okay
Friend 2: I'm sorry to hear that
*Friend 1 looks at his arm for a second.*
Friend 1: Do you think i would look good with huge muscles?
*A waiter suddenly appears and pours drinks into the friends' cups.*
Waiter: Hey, are you guys friends?
Friend 2: Maybe
Waiter: Okay. Let me know if you wanna go in the lobster section, i just had some tables open up
Friend 2: Yeah, okay, thanks
*The waiter geoes away.*
Friend 1: How much was that picture i bought earlier?
Friend 2: You mean the price?
Friend 1: Yeah
Friend 2: I think about 12 million
Friend 1: Really?
Friend 2: I think thats what it said
Friend 1: Hm
Friend 2: Cause, you figure its got two people in it
Friend 1: Oh right... 6 million for each person
Friend 2: Thats what i'm thinking. Do you even have that much money?
Friend 1: Ah, i'll probably dig a hole somewhere and find it there
Friend 2: True
*The waiter appears again.*
Waiter: Okay, we have: Corn
*Corn falls from the sky, onto the table.*
Friend 1: Ah, thats fantastic, thanks
Waiter: And, i'll be back, i'll bring you a bunch of forks
Friend 1: Okay
Friend 2: Thanks!
*The waiter disappears again. The guys look at the corn and friend 1 picks up a kernel, but they don't eat any of it.*
Friend 2: Just think about how many restaurants we could have gone to
Friend 1: Yeah
Friend 2: How many, do you think, we could have gone to?
Friend 1: Just one. This is the only one that still serves "food"
Friend 2: Right, okay, i understand that, but think of this: How many restaurants are actually a different restaurant? Like, lets say you're driving along, lo de da de doo,-
Friend 1: Right
Friend 2: -Minding your own business, and, you're about to get to the restaurant, and then you're there, and bam. Its a different restaurant
Friend 1: Yep
Friend 2: Forever, its been
Friend 1: I understand
Friend 2: Like it changed, but, like, it already had changed,-
Friend 1: Right, right
Friend 2: -Like, a long time ago
Friend 1: Yeah, i get it
Friend 2: Like a bait-and-switch
Friend 1: Uh-huh
Friend 2: How often do you think that happens?
Friend 1: I think it happens constantly
Friend 2: You think?
Friend 1: Best thing about the restaurant biz. The fluidity
*A pack of 29 forks suddenly falls onto the table.*
Friend 1: Ah, there's the forks. Its a 29 pack. How many would you like?
Friend 2: I'll take all 29. How many would you like?
Friend 1: Just one. I'll maybe use the back of it
Friend 2: Thats fair
*Friend 1 opens the pack and they take out the forks. They then finally start eating the corn. The waiter then appears again.*
Waiter: Hey folks, time for dessert?
Friend 1 and 2: No way!
Waiter: Okay, thanks for keeping me informed
*The waiter disappears again.*
Friend 2: The world's not ending tomorrow, right?
Friend 1: No
Friend 2: Nice! What do you think we should do?
Friend 1: We could buy another painting
Friend 2: That sounds lovely, except i don't like paintings
Friend 1: Oh really? What don't you like about them?
Friend 2: They're not real
Friend 1: Ah, thats true. Maybe we should go to the beach?
Friend 2: Ahhhhhhhhh!
*The camera then rapidly moves around while showing the friends sitting on the beach. There's text in the background saying "the end" while music plays in the background. The music then ends as the camera rapidly zooms in on the water. The text changes from "The end" to "The edge" as the camera goes over the edge of the water into an endless void. The screen cuts to black as the video ends.*