[DOLLY]
I have always been a woman who arranges things
For the pleasure and the profit it derives
I have always been a woman who arranges things
Like furniture and daffodils and lives
If you want your sister courted
Brother wed, or cheese imported
Just leave everything to me
If you want your roof inspected
Eyebrows tweezed, or bills collected
Just leave everything to me
If you want your daughter dated
Or some marriage consummated
For a rather modest fee
If you want a husband spotted
Boyfriend traces, or chicken potted
I'll arrange to making all arrangements
Just leave everything to me

[JONES, spoken]
Business or pleasure, Mrs. Levi?

[DOLLY, spoken]
Mr. Jones, for me business is always a pleasure

[JONES, spoken]
And you've got more business than a dog has fleas!
[DOLLY, spoken]
Well, as my late husband, Ephraim Levi, used to say: "If you have to live from hand to mouth, you better be ambidextrous!"
(sung)
If you want your ego bolstered
Muscles toned, or chair upholstered
Just leave everything to me
Charming social introductions
Expert mandolin instructions
Just leave everything to me
If you want your culture rounded
French improved, or torso pounded
With a ten year guarantee
If you want a birth recorded
Collies bred, or kittens ported
I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me

[SULLIVAN, spoken]
Where to, Dolly?

[DOLLY, spoken]
Yonkers, New York. To handle a highly personal matter for Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-known unmarried half-a-millionaire

[SULLIVAN, spoken]
Gonna marry him yourself, Dolly?
[DOLLY, spoken]
Why, Mr. Sullivan, whatever put such a preposterous idea into my head? Your head
(sung)
If you want a law abolished
Jury swayed, or toenails polished
Just leave everything to me
If you want your liver tested
Glasses made, cash invested
Just leave everything to me
If you want your children coddled
Corsets pulled, or furs remodeled
Or some nice, fresh fricassee
If you want your bustle shifted
Wedding planned, or bosom lifted...
(spoken)
Don't be ashamed, girls!
Life is full of secrets and I keep 'em
(sung)
I'll discretely use my own discretion
I'll arrange to making all arrangements
I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me