[Intro]
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein

[Chorus]
Oh, why is it always Miss Marmelstein?
Miss Marmelstein?
Miss Marmelstein?
Other girls get called by their first names right away
They get cozy, intimate, do you know what I mean?
Nobody calls me, "Hey, baby doll!"
Or "Honey dear," or "Sweetie pie"
Even my first name would be preferable
Though it's terrible, it might be better, it's Yetta
Or perhaps my second name, that's Tessye
Spelled T-E-S-S-Y-E

[Post-Chorus]
But no, no, it's always Miss Marmelstein
You'd think at least Miss M they could try
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Oh, I could die
[Bridge]
I'm a very willing secretary
Enjoy my work as my employer will corroborate
Except for one disappointment, one fly in the ointment
It's great, I mean, simply great

[Verse]
But the aggravation of my situation
I might as well get it off my chest
It's the drab appellation—
Oh, pardon the big words I apply
But I was an English major at CCNY—
Drab appellation
With which I am persistently addressed
Persistently, perpetually, continually, inevitably addressed
Believe me, it could drive a person positively psychosomatic

[Chorus]
Why is it always Miss Marmelstein?
Miss Marmelstein?
Miss Marmelstein?
Other girls get called by their nicknames right away
Slightly naughty or risqué
Do you know what I mean?
Nobody calls me "Koo-chee-koo" or "Bubbeleh" or "Passion pie"
Even "Hey there, babe," though not respectable
Ain't so objectable
It's kind of crummy but chummy
[Outro]
Of course, if I got married, that would do it
So, where's the lucky guy? Huh?
'Til then, it still is Miss Marmelstein
Every day I get more and more fussed
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Miss Marmelstein
Ohh
I could bust