[Verse]
God, please guide me
Too many times the Devil's tried me
Sometimes I feel Your Spirit inside of me
Just like John the Baptist as a baby, it jumps
Butterflies in my belly, throat becomes lumped
I showed You my sin, and You showed me Your son
I showed You my pride, and You stood by my side
I showed You I was everything You aren't, and You still didn't leave
Why is it God that You keep loving on me?
You should’a left, and You should just leave
I tried so hard to be everything You created me to be
And I just kept falling and tripping and stumbling
And the voices of anxiety just kept mumbling
Having everything taken from you is humbling
But they can take away all they want but they’ll never take away my faith
Someday I’ll be knock knock knockin’ on those pearly gates
And when I see Jesus face to face this is what I’m going to say
“I don’t belong here”
And it’s funny because it won’t be the first time He’s heard it
Not from others, from my lips, when I’d pray this is how I’d word it
“God, I don’t wanna be here anymore. I’m tired of this place.”
My prayer will be a little different on that final day
Because I’ll look at Him and say, “I didn’t wanna be there and, I don’t belong here”
Anxiety of not getting let in leads me to tears
Imprisoned in my paranoia, I’m sentenced for years
What if God says no to me?
And at that moment unknowingly I still know that there was nothing I could’ve done different
Because He could’ve put me in a million bodies on a million missions
And I’d still find a way to wreck every reincarnated life
I go to the ocean and see the stars, ain’t it nice?
To think someone up there keeps it alright?
Even when I’m not feeling alright
I wanna quit this poem, alright
I'm done with the blues like I’m alright
But I’m not, because these clouds just hang over my head like chandeliers
I see light enlightening, and I know God’s near
But sometimes the switch gets shut off, and I’m thrown into the black
I tell you guys I’m leaving and that I’ll be right back
But sometimes I don’t plan on ever returning
I would’ve already killed myself if I wasn’t afraid of burning
"But what about your daughter, and what about your life?"
Nothing makes sense when your mind’s not right
I was suicidal and dangerous all wrapped up in one
Bipolar mania picking between razor, pill, and gun
I can’t remember the last time I had fun
Whatever they’re on, please give me some
I asked the doctor for happiness and he gave me none
I looked through those pill bottles but didn’t get any
But pills upon pills, he gave me plenty
Pills to go to sleep and pills to get up
The effects wear thin so I doubled up
Running out of the hydros before my next re-up
And then go on stage where people prop me up
And we normally just prop things up we expect to fall
And when you do, don’t expect a call
Christians shoot their own wounded
That’s why when I play this poetry so many tune in
Because they’ve been church hurt too
So you relate to me and I’ll relate to you
But here’s the worst thing that we could do
Tie a noose around Jesus because of what the church put us through
[Outro]
You’re gonna get through this
You’re going to live
God didn’t hurt us
People did