I read your messages, you just don't know it
I started in Genesis, ended in Exodus, and then I closed it
Tried to read the Bible again from beginning to end
I felt so convicted by all of my sins
I look at Judas, and we could be twins
He sold Jesus for silver, I’ve sold him for cents
Sin over my Savior, it makes no sense
And the regrets overwhelm me, the guilt is immense
There's no middle ground with God, but I've been on the fence
Covered in mud, God I need rinsed
Frozen then frenzied, God I need friends
More importantly, a Savior
Beyond ashamed of my behavior
Clayton Michael Iscariot, I told you I’m a traitor
Here's a tip for you like you're a waiter
Go to God, don't wait 'til later
I don't know what you've done, but God's grace is greater
He forgives and He forgets, His love doesn’t waiver
Sex was my vice, never cared how I played her
One night stands with no plans to date her
"You gonna text me?"
"Uh, sure, catch ya later"
Jezebel Jennings, to this day I still hate her
I walked around in black like a fan of the Raiders
I walk around trapped by the words of my haters
I’m bitter, and it shows
Broken and brittle to the bones
A week in the closet, I slept there alone
Jamie could hear me crying, and I turned off my phone
I felt like dying, I've never been so low
Seventy degrees, but I felt frozen in snow
My psychiatrist tried to help me, but couldn’t
My therapist wanted more sessions, I wouldn't
My family wanted me to admit myself
I knew God was the answer, I just didn't wanna admit myself
I used to be strong, man, I miss my health
I'm bipolar, and my guilt made it worse
Mania is a gift, these lows are a curse
I couldn’t take it anymore
I was laying there shaking on the bathroom floor
Suicide, dead inside, I went back and forth
Xanax for relief, so I'd go back for more
Big Pharma is a pimp, pills their whore
I got so mad at myself that I spit and I swore
I wasn't made for this, God You made me for more
Help me Jesus, I need You now
I feel so down, I'm going to drown
I was lost then found then lost again
Anxiety medications made mistakes my friends
And it only left me empty in the end
But if you think the story ends there, you're mistaken again
I refuse to stay in this depression and let Satan win
God picked me up and lifted me to a whole other level
I know God's real because I've danced with the devil
And he might be harassing you right now
Haunting your thoughts while passing you around
And you might need help but don't know how
Repeat these words about to come from my mouth:

"Jesus, help me
Forgive me of my sins"

He'll change your life if you say that to Him
And I'm not saying the clouds will go away
But I'm saying you'll see the Sun through the gray
Medication numbs you, but Jesus breaks chains
The mind is a powerful thing, and this isn't a game
But when I surrendered in my suffering, everything changed
I'm still fighting, but it isn't the same
God's giving me peace, so you can keep the shame
Doctors knew me by my symptoms, Jesus knows me by my name