You stumbled and fell
And you wanna run away
You find yourself holding on to yesterday
The light is fading fast
There's so much left to say
The weight of your past holds you down again

I'm sorry for every time that I hurt you
I was living like a dog and you called me to live in virtue
You searched my heart but I never searched for You
I was too busy finding my satisfaction in the slop of this society
And when the consequences came I had the audacity to look at You and say "Why me?"
I don't get it
You name the sin and I did it
I feel the shame 'cause I'm in it
And sometimes the weight of my past makes it hard for me to breathe
And they say it gets better but the future is too far for me to see
I can't look out the windshield when I have a million people holding up rear views
I'm a wretched man and I don't belong anywhere near You
But Your hand is still out and You say come as I am
But why do You keep telling me to come when You know that I can't
I never heard You speak until I held that gun in my hand
And when I pressed it to my chest You told me to stop
I'm standing here with nothing in my hands because nothing is all that I got
I don't know why You want me when I don't want myself
And those pills I popped did nothing but stunt my health
The doctor said I'd feel better with Xanax and Lexapro
I popped pills by the bottle but still couldn't let You go
Because every time I ran from reality the reality of who You are ran to me
You said You had plans for me
Is this who You planned I'd be?
So many lies told about me like Plan B
Or did You have more for me?
Numb to the pain like Morphine
But the highs always stopped but the headaches wouldn't
And I must've lied to a thousand people in the meet and greet lines I stood in
Fake smiles and forced prayers for their family and health
Trying to give them the hope I never felt for myself
Get back home and stick that Bible back on that shelf
I've spent more time talking about You than I talked with You
I felt like Judas when he betrayed You and kissed You
Clayton Michael Iscariot
A flawed sinner who took his sin and tried to bury it
Only to find out my sin was too heavy and I couldn't carry it
So this is me, take it but I suggest You leave it
My dad used to warn me but I'd never heed it
Suit and tie on the outside but I have the heart of a felon
Sin looked good but life got hard when I fell in
And I couldn't get out
I sunk into the sunken place and lived without
Without church and without the Bible
Slumped over sulking hours away from my next revival
Like a rockstar with no rock and no star of David
The spotlight was my instrument and I learned to play it
And the music sounded good to the masses who amassed in amazement
They never saw the depressed Clayton strung out in the basement
If I could go back I'd do anything I could to change it
Memories of when I was authentic are ancient
I was never in this for recognition or payment
But that changed somewhere along those million miles of pavement
And I've passed a lot of roadkill along the way
And maybe I'll get killed on the road someday
People write death threats and think that it bothers me
But let me show you the honest me, honestly
I get why people hate me but I have no clue why some are so fond of me
I'd be just fine leaving the world today or tomorrow
The end of life has two doors like a Monte Carlo
I hope I'm on a highway to Heaven and someday I get let in
I hope someday I stop trying to carry the weight of the my past and I let Him
Because all You ever wanted from me was me
You tried showing me roadblocks I was too stubborn to see
You took my shame and You took my loss
And You said I forgive you when You hung on that cross
I'm sorry for every time that I left You
The scandal is my sin
The ending is Your rescue
Just let go
Just let go