Goodbye world, I might just die tonight
Goodbye girls, you might just cry tonight
'Cause I promise you this time I'm coming for their throat
Every chord that they played me, every song, every note
I must of played that sound tracked on repeat
A bottle of vodka doused on these demons I'll drown them completely
Or I could down that, it's easy
No wonder they call it spirits, it's fleeting
No wonder they call it sippin', it's easy
But that's the best way to get caught slippin', believe me
Funny how it takes walking away form these mirrors to see me
Now you know why I called album number two "Reflections"
God knows I could care less about people's thoughts and perceptions
Think ditchin' this pedestal for a pill is below me?
We could share the same address and you still wouldn't know me
But that's the price you pay for being social with this media
People you don't even know get emotion just seein' ya
Because you saw me in your city or dressed up on your computer screen?
This is so messed up, man, do you see what I mean?
I wish you could open up my DM's and see what I'm seeing
"Dear Clayton, if you don't write back I'm going to slit my wrists"
"Dear Clayton, my face is swollen from my stepdad's fists"
Dear Clayton this and dear Clayton that
Give me peace of mind and take this popularity back
I got offered two grand for an autographed piece of my hat
You think that it flatters me, I think that it's wack
I'd slit my throat before I begged another person to follow me back
I regret starting this
I never thought I'd say that
The Bible says to whom much is given much is required
I've been given everything so I guess I'm never allowed to retire
Got nightmares of telling the world about Jesus only to wake up in the fire
Got night terrors from these kids singing suicide songs in my ears like a choir
Why me?
Why not your pastors, yo where are they at?
Too busy segregating Sunday mornings between the whites and the blacks
When the church realizes it's not 1819 maybe then I'll go back
Until then it's whites in the front and blacks in the back
Join the wrong church and get stabbed in the back
Last month I had thoughts of suicide, can you relate?
"Clayton, uh, if you could keep your personal struggles quiet, yeah that would be great
We'd rather see you smile and read us a verse"
I bet the same people will throw flowers at my hearse
Don't throw flowers then when you're throwing poison ivy now
I've been biting my tongue trying to stay poised when I'm around
I kept receipts on my phone that could bury people
I got offered real estate to marry people
Scary people? Nah, scary steeples
Cults for churches, watch out for the sheeples
But I do this for that Massachusettes girl with a stutter
Skipping the line in the cafeteria isn't the only thing that makes her a cutter
She goes home and plays my poetry
And then she pulls out her phone and writes a note to me
And she says I'll probably never read it, but she still sends it knowingly
Telling me I saved her life unknowingly
And attached is a picture just showing me
The scars on her arms and the needle marks, too
With the words "You saved my life" in a thin font shaded in blue
Little did she know when she sent that, I was alone in my room
Pistols or pills, debating which way to be through
Alone in my feelings, letting these demons do what they do
Don't talk to me about depression if you've never walked in my shoes
Six pills in and I was feeling dizzy
Selfish thoughts like "Would anyone miss me?"
God if you're out there You better send help quick
I don't want my daughter to wake up and find me like this
Six more in my hand about to put the nail in this coffin
Out of nowhere my phone buzzes with an e-mail from some girl out of Boston