Wake up, shake up, get ready for church
We found the right one after a two-month search
We like this pastor 'cause he doesn't curse
Our last pastor was the worst
He was so self-righteous
He looked at porn, I nearly started a riot
Satan tempted us, and we were like try us
We're the perfect family, eye us
Mister and misses pious
And we go to church in our nice little Prius
First at the potluck, there if you need us
And when the offering plate gets passed, we promise you'll see us
Look at how bad these heathens wanna be us
We love our money, in God we trust
Big donation means our name on the bus
Look at us, look at us
We don't go to church to worship, we go for the rush

Wake up, hungover
My girlfriend snuck over and stayed over
No way I can stay sober
I push her out the window, and I tell her I'll phone her
Mom hears and comes busting in, my life is now over
"Are you serious?!
Wait 'til I tell Pastor Steve about this"
I say whatever and slide past my mom
She says we're going to church, but I'm already gone
We live two houses down from the church
My mom works in the lobby and sells their merch
Welcome to the Holy Church of Jesus the Nazarene Christ
If you donate enough money, it'll change your life
I'm trying to figure out my own
In and out of boys' homes
Almost 18, can't wait to get treated like I'm grown
Hated church ever since Dad left us alone
He ran off with a deacon's wife who lived down the road
And this Sunday, yeah, it's Father's Day
It's gonna be awkward and odd to stay
And I know fifty people are gonna come up to pray
"Lord, take their pain away"
But it'll stay right where it is
My breathing gets heavy, and I ball up my fists
I'm done worshipping Jesus, and I'm throwing this fit
These pastors can get lost, my dad can get hit
So look at me, what's the matter?
I'm the guy four rows back getting yelled at by the pastor
Little does he know, my homelife's a disaster
He's telling me to repent like he knew about last night
But this is Father's Day, and that's not right
Why can't he tell me about who I am in God?
Why does he always have to tell me who I'm not?
So I don't get my fix from church, I get my fix from pot
And sex, a lot
I'm that kid you avoid in the parking lot
Wake up, feeling strange again
I'd be hard-pressed to name a friend
Except for this one girl who keeps inviting me to church
She wants me to go for Jesus, I'm just lookin' to flirt
The church was the last place I expected to be hurt
So I walked in and sat with my friend
But she's more like an acquaintance
Pastor walks up on stage and says say this
"I am who God says I am"
The crowd repeats the words from the man
"I will walk in my worth"
Man, this is turning out to be a pretty cool church
"And I will stand up against sin"
Okay, yeah, but this is taking a spin
"And we will not tolerate wicked homosexuals in this church or in this country"
Words to a lesbian, he might as well have punched me
I'm the girl in the second-row seat slumping
Scared of getting another Bible-thumping
Thought I'd hear about Jesus, but all he talked about was homosexuality
It felt like my skin was crawling outta me
Especially when he said we aren't born this way
Are you doubting me?
Because you don't know the pain of struggling with your identity
And you don't know how terrifying it is when you say Hell was meant for me
Because I'm just a kid myself
But you've scared me enough to never again touch that Bible on my shelf
Wake up, feeling depressed again
It's Sunday again, so I text a friend
"You wanna go to church with me?"
She's shocked and sends me a happy face emoji
She's been telling me I should go somewhere
She said pick the church and that she didn't care
"They'll all be great, and they'll all care"
She made enough promises, so I was there
I'm the guy sitting off the side away from the crowd
I don't like to get too close to people when things get loud
My PTSD goes off, and paranoia is followed by doubt
So yeah, I'm suicidal, but I'm trying to work it out
But I'm in the chair off to the side wondering if it's worth it now
Because this pastor keeps yelling at me like he knows me
If you have all the answers, then show me
I don't wanna hear about your political opinion
I don't wanna be forced into being a denominational minion
I'm just looking for a little hope
Figured I'd find it here and pause on the dope
But nope
I'm feeling worse
Because this pastor just said PTSD and depression is a curse
And now he's saying bipolar people are demon-possessed
I didn't come here to get put on blast, pushed down, and pressed
I came here to get this hopeless up off of my chest
This is the last time I come through these church doors until I'm laid to rest
Wake up, feeling nervous again
Look over my sermon notes with my brand new pen
Now all I need is my pulpit
But first I pick up my Bible and I hold it
I'm reminded of my childhood and all the times I was scolded
Dad said if you quit preaching Hell then you've folded
First thing I did when I was 18 was bolted
Straight to Bible school
I thought I was so cool
Trying to be like C.H. Spurgeon but looking like a fool
Wearing suits that didn't fit while trying to fit in
Took me sharing my testimony ten times to two men to get in
And I went to the top of my class
Every Sunday morning, I'd pull out the pastor mask
And I'd take these sinners to task
I'm gonna kick the Devil right square in the ass
I gotta be quiet about that
My congregation doesn't know I curse
A slip-up from me, that would be a first
I wear my cloak of perfection
Look through my internet history, it's free for inspection
I'm ready to yell at these sinners and give them a lesson
They'll never know about the mistress I'm texting
But it's okay because I keep confessing
Not to my congregation, but to God in secret
It's like Dad's dad taught dad's dad to take it to the cross, lay it, and leave it
I've already destroyed so many lives by the time I leave it
To be honest, I never opened up the Bible or even took time to read it
I'd just preach it how my dad preached it
And he'd yell at the gays, and he'd plead the blood, and he'd yell vote red
And I'll continue that legacy now that he's dead
Even though I feel dead inside
And I get so angry at these other pastors who seem so alive
What's working in their life that's not working in mine?
So I get online and find the time
To everyone who preaches differently than I do
These guys preaching the Bible, they don't have a clue
They can't preach it half as good as I do
So I'd trash other pastors behind the pulpit
And I'd do it with a pen
And I'd stir up division in every place that I'm in
And I'm really just a boy trying to be a man
Who really wants to know the feeling of having fans
Instead of getting complaints about how hot Sunday school is and not having fans
I'm the pastor who hates his neighbor and runs his mouth
I'll stay in this little church until they run me out

I grew up in church pews, too
I've experienced the same kinda hurt like a whole lotta you
And we gotta choose
Whether we're going to continue this cycle of abuse
Or if we're really gonna get real and just let loose
Because I'm tired of being church hurt
And I'm tired of slander like murder
And I'm tired of gossips, and I'm tired of me
God, what did you create the church to be?
Because right now, it's not making a whole lotta sense to me
But it's made cents for me
Going on half a century
I get clicks in the church world when you mention me
Grew up to reach a lot of people like it was meant to be
Met people around the world like it was meant for me
Walked straight into the Devil like he was sent for me
He harassed me like he was into me
I know what it's like to be tormented
I know what it's like to be gossiped when mentioned
I know what it's like to be cast away and set aside
I know what it's like to see someone called out while other people slide
I've seen the hypocrisy, and I've been a hypocrite, too
Dear church, I'm trying everything I can to not give up on you
But I've been a witness to so many years of spiritual abuse
That voice of doubt, I can hear it when I lose
That voice of uncertainty, I can hear it when I choose
That voice of harassment, I dream it when I snooze
And I can't wake up
I'm the kid who grew up in the church and got hurt
A lot
So if you think you're the only one hurt by the church, you're not
But I'm not giving up on God because people gave up on me
Peace in my life, please pray that for me
I'm the kid who wants to run from the church but that's too afraid to leave