People ask me how I write my poetry
To be honest, when I listen to these instrumentals, it just flows through me
From my stomach to heart to my head to my hands
From "Dear Anxiety" to "When I Became a Man"
I used to write 'em in Indiana dirt, now I write 'em in the sand
I spin these words like tops, if I don't stop, it'll put you in a trance
But it's beatless, so you don't know whether to sit still or dance
But I'm like "Eat this", so you do 'cause you're fans
And to be honest with you, that was never the plan
But it became reality like TV
Some people say they wouldn't be here without me
So I hope to God every person who ever hurt me, dissed me, and clowned me
Sees that everything they tried wasn't enough to drown me
And now I have an army of loyal followers who surround me
My enemies are as soft as feathers, just rolls of white Bounty
Known around the world now, they used to only know me from my county
With popularity came poison, my picture with a bounty
But I'm a dog, too, so it doesn't bother me when they hound me
These days, I'm extra careful who I let around me
A break from this rat race would be nice like finally
I never liked hide and seek 'cause people could never find me
"It's been like three hours, yo, where is he hiding?"
I've always been good at being alone
I swear I get anxiety with the ring of a phone
Like I married this chick, one ring and it's on
Forgot to sign the prenup, so half of my stability is gone
Anxiety doesn't stop, it goes on, and it goes on, and it goes on
Until people see your face bloat like which benzos are you on
Let's be honest, if I OD'd, nobody would care that I'm gone
These days, life gets scarier with every page that I'm on
If I could escape anxiety like Harry I'd do it with the wave of his wand
It's always on, and I'd rather keep it off
As for my front door, please don't knock
As for my bedroom, please keep it locked
As for my pistol, please keep it cocked
Only thirty-one, but I've been through a lot
So if you keep talking about me like you know me then stop
And if you think you're gonna find a way to save me, you're not
Because your salvation doesn't look like mine
Mine looks like freedom, yours looks like control of the mind
And it was really only a matter of time
Before you realized that I wasn't fine
Even though people say that I'm fine
They're talking about my face while ignoring my mind
A famous friend of mine could see it in my eyes
She asked if I was doing okay but knew that I wasn't
Hooked on prescription pills, I would wake up grumpy but fall asleep buzzin'
If it said take two on the bottle, I'd pop the top and throw back a dozen
Then I'd pray I'd wake up in Heaven and not in the oven
And I could keep writing this, we're at one page now, I could zone out and write for a dozen
On the inside, I hate life, on the outside, I love it
On the outside, I pray for my enemies, on the inside, I'm like shove it
So I can't be the only one with these thoughts, right?
I lie awake anxious in the middle of the night
These temptations are dangerous, these voices aren't right
Big decisions to make, these choices aren't light
And if you think I'm struggling, that's the first thing about me that you got right
I'm scared of the daytime but also afraid of the night
The poetry comes from pain, don't describe it as pride
I wish to God you could step in my shoes for a second and feel what I feel
I've got dirt on everyone, who else wants a meal?
"Clayton's out of control, that boy's crazed!"
Nah, I'm just grown now and refuse to be played
And now look at all these people playing my poetry
I got out of religion, and that's where I found God
Or maybe God found me
So back to the people who betrayed me and downed me
Let me say this proudly
I didn't stop when you said quit
The words of my enemies didn't affect me a bit
But the silence from my friends did, and I got a whole lot of it
I've been through a whole lotta -
And I told myself I wasn't gonna curse anymore
Only if tomorrow has something worse for me in store
Then I might say [dam/damn]
And my eyes hold back a lake of tears, hold steady my dam
Still charming as ever, let me get the door for you madame
I wish you could spend a day with me to see who I am
Face to face and man to man
I'm tired of friends turned enemies, man this was never the plan
But these days, I know exactly who I am
Free