It's like 7:30 at night
I'm on the west side of Indie with one headlight
Cop pulled me over, "You know your left light's dead, right?"
I know officer, I'm just trying to get home
East-bound from Brownsburg on a two-lane road
Officer handed me back my license, said "You're good to go"
I hit the gas and slid off in the snow
I was in college at the time
Stressin' on the gas light, I didn't have a dime
Poppin' pills on the side, I was out of my mind
And Satan was in it
You name the sin, and I probably did it
But the day before, my brother hit up my digits
"You're in a hole, Clayton, I get it
But I started this Bible study, and you gotta see it"
He told me it was packed out with teens, and I didn't believe it
Why would people go and listen to that?
I told him maybe with no plans to call back
The next day, my gut said go
My soul said yes, my flesh said no
No desire for the Bible, but I'll go for my bro
I sat off to the side, didn't want people to see where I was at
Some kid handed me a Bible with a card on the back
In white letters, it said, "If you died today, where would you go?"
I handed it back and shook my head no
I listened to the message and slid for the door
Thirty minutes of the Bible, I couldn't take much more
It was like the verses he said took a shovel to my flesh
Every word that he said was a blow to my chest
I felt like God was talking through my brother straight to me
Looking back now is something I hate to see
I remember getting in that car and driving dangerously
Risking my life on the road was a game to me
Soul saying drive straight, mind saying aim for tree
Depression and anxiety was aimed at me
It was certainly satanly
People using depression for clicks, but this isn't a game to me
But how about you, God, huh? Is this a game to You?
Every religious situation that You put me through?
Or do You still love me, huh?
Yo, where are You at?!
I prayed for days, and You never called back
I hate You! I love You
I don't know what to say
I feel like it's a one-way conversation every time that I pray
And look at me now, covered in sin
If I do it again, will Your grace still cover it then?
My grace blanket must be shattered and worn down thin
Satan built his apartment, and I moved right in
So here I am God!
Do You still want me? Or am I dead to You?
Have You heard a single word I've said to You?
Or have I been shouting these out of my car into the blue?
Sin feels good, and I'm into it, too
I'm screaming out the windshield begging God to wake me up
And then I prayed for a car accident to shake me up
Next day, my brother picked me up, and we were headed north on 37
"You think I got any shot at getting into Heaven?"
"You're crazy", he says
"Don't talk like that
You were made in His image, you need to learn to walk like that
You have worth on your life bro, don't you get it?"
He was in a Jordan jumpsuit with a backwards fitted
Seatbelt on, pouring life into me, and I just listened
Reminded me of the things Mom used to say to me late nights in the kitchen
"Son, you're gonna be great, I believe it
You're gonna change a lot of lives, I can see it"
Now I got my brother saying the same things, too
So confused at that moment, man, I don't know what to do
My brother yelled, "NO!"
I saw a truck, it was blue
And it didn't stop at the stop sign, instead it went through
I thought we were dead
This is it, this is how it all ends
Start planning my funeral, ring the family, call the friends
Apparently, retribution has rebuked me for all of my sins
I clench my eyes wondering if it's Heaven or Hell that I'm in
We slip past a semi and hit a wall on the bridge
Don was slumped over unconscious on the horn
I pulled him back and reached for his door
When it opened, I crawled out and stood to my feet
And then I saw something I never expected to see
Black cards with white letters falling on me
"If you died today, where would you go?"
I got chills on my body as I stood in that snow
In the trunk of Don's car, he had a box of those cards
In the crash, it opened and was blown around by the cars
All around me, the wind blew
"Yo, call 911, I don't know what to do!"
"Are you okay, sir? Can your brother move?"
He was okay, and I was, too
I didn't have a seatbelt on, but you couldn't spot one scratch or one bruise
Something happened on that bridge that was bigger than me, it was bigger than you
People were screaming all around me, but I didn't move
I was paralyzed by the presence of something that I didn't choose
It chose me instead
I lowered my hands into my head
Hit with the memory of the night before and the words I had said
It was beautiful and terrifying and something in between
Something changes inside of you when you see the unseen
It was like God was right there meeting with me
I'm sorry I doubted You
I know that you're near
And at that second, He whispered two words in my ear