Aaron Rodgers is on the field in Green Bay tonight and he is terrible.

He's thirteen for forty with two interceptions and no touchdowns for a QB rating of negative a billion

Which is like if I showed up on stage and did my entire set facing the wall and eating mayonnaise out of a jar

Aaron Rodgers, probably the best quarterback to ever play the game, has those bags under his eyes that tell me he’s been eating a lot of cold Mac-&-Cheese in bed with the lights off

Aaron Rodgers looks how I really feel when I say "I'm doing great!"

Aaron Rodgers makes twenty-two million a year and yet he still looks like his dog bit him after calling him a selfish person

Aaron looks like he last slept in two thousand eleven maybe

and he's playing like he’s thinking about how he needs to wash his sheets

He's playing like how he hasn't washed his sheets in five or six months

He's playing like he'd wash his goddamned sheets if he could just stop goddamned crying for one goddamned minute

but, maybe I'm reading too much into this

I find myself saying, out loud,

"How is he depressed?
He has so much money and his life is perfect"

and, how much does that sound like the last time someone said to me

"How are you sad when you have your dream job?"

Or

"you get paid to do your art and

you are in perfect health and

you are engaged to someone who loves you

You don't have any reason to be depressed"

but, there doesn't have to be a reason

The brain is clay but the mold is persistent

The brain has a shape and you can only see the shadows

The brain remains a brain no matter how much cash you stack around it

My last birthday I was surrounded by people who loved me
and the loudest thought in my head was still

"They wouldn’t even be sad if you died"

Aaron Rodgers walks off the field in Green Bay and goes back to his dark house

They won but it doesn’t feel like it

He watches game tape until three A.M and falls asleep on the couch

His phone has four texts

All of which say he played great today

Even though he didn't

Everyone says

"good game"

Instead of

"How can I help?"

I’m gonna leave this stage, go to the green room, and then back to the hotel where the T.V. will silently show me homes I will never own
People are smiling and having dinner parties while I fail to fall asleep

The question isn't

Why are you sad?

Or even

How can I fix it?

The question is

Do you need a blanket?

Can I get you some ginger ale?

What's your therapist's number?

What kind of sandwich?

Where does it hurt?

What does the darkness want?

Where is it quiet and how do we get there?

How can I help?