[Verse 1]
Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade
She worked the night shift
Dishwater blonde, tall and fine
She got a lot of tips

[Verse 2]
Well, earlier I'd been talkin' stuff in a violent room
Fightin' with lover's past
I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine
Dorothy was fast

[Verse 3]
Well, I ordered: "Yeah, let me get a fruit cocktail, I ain't too hungry"
Dorothy laughed
She said: "It sound like a real man to me
(You're kinda cute)
You're kinda cute, you wanna take a bath?"
(Do you wanna, do you wanna?)
... Bath?

[Verse 4]
Oh, I said: "Cool, but I'm leavin' my pants on (What you say?)
'Cause I'm kinda goin' with someone"
She said: "Sound like a real man to me
Mind if I turn on the radio?"
"Oh, my favorite song," she said
And it was Joni singing: "Help me, I think I'm falling"
(Drring) The phone rang and she said
"Whoever's calling can't be as cute as you"
Right then and there I knew I was through
(Dorothy Parker was cool)
Well

[Verse 5]
My pants were wet, they came off
But she didn't see the movie 'cause she hadn't read the book first
Instead she pretended she was blind
An affliction brought on by a witch's curse
Dorothy made me laugh
(Ha ha, ha ha)
I felt much better so I went back to the violent room
(Tell us what you did, what you did)
Let me tell you what I did

[Chorus]
I took another bubble bath
With my pants on
All the fighting stopped
Next time I'll do it sooner
This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker

[Outro]
Well
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker
Well
Oh