Mark Hollmann
Cop Song
[LOCKSTOCK, spoken]
If there's one thing I've learned in my many years of enforcing the laws of this city, it's that the journey down to Urinetown offers no
Surprises. Not even from the very toughest among us. On that journey, expect only...the expected. 
(sung)
And it's a hard, cold, tumble of a journey
Worthy of a gurney, a bumble down
A slapped face, smacked with a mace
Certain to debase is our stumble down
It's a path that leads you only one place
Horrible to retrace, a crumble down
A hard, cold, tumble of a tourney
Jumble of a journey to Urinetown

[LOCKSTOCK & BARREL]
Julie Ca**idy
Went to a field behind a tree
Saw there was no one who could see

[LOCKSTOCK]
Her pee -

[BARREL]
But me

[LOCKSTOCK & BARREL]
And Jacob Rosenbloom
Thought he was safe up in his room
Didn't know the jars he kept up there
Would obligate a trip to a Urine-tomb!

[LOCKSTOCK]
There are those who think our methods vicious -

[BARREL]
Overly malicious -

[LOCKSTOCK]
A bunch of brutes
But it's we who gather for the people -
[BARREL]
Tavern to the steeple -

[LOCKSTOCK]
Lawful fruits!
Our task: bring a little order -

[BARREL]
Swindle out a hoarder -

[LOCKSTOCK]
From what he loots
As the book says, "certainly a season" -

[BARREL]
Trample out a treason -

[ALL]
With hobnail boots!
Roger Roosevelt
Kept a cup below his belt
Cup ran over when he knelt

[LOCKSTOCK]
He smelt -
[BARREL]
We dealt!

[ALL]
And Joseph "Old Man" Strong
Held his pee for much too long
Hoped his son might bail him out
His guess was good but also wrong!

[LOCKSTOCK]
Years past all lived in a jungle
Scooping out a bungle, nature's bowl
Life of constant deprivation
Certain aggravation took its toll
Soon learned power of the truncheon
Organize a function king to pawn
So if peace is what you're after
Urinetown's the rafter to hang it on!

[FEMALE COP 1]
Julie Ca**idy

[MALE COP 1]
Jacob Rosenbloom

[MALE COP 2]
Roger Roosevelt

[MALE COP 1]
Jacob Rosenbloom

[FEMALE COP 1]
Julie Ca**idy

[MALE COP 3]
Joseph Old Man Strong

[LOCKSTOCK & BARREL]
Don't be like them! Don't be like them!
Don't be like them! Don't be like them!

[ALL]
And it's a hard, cold tumble of a journey
Worthy of a gurney, a bumble down
A slapped face, smacked with a mace
Certain to debase is our stumble down
It's a path that leads you only one place
Horrible to retrace, a crumble down
A hard, cold, tumble of a tourney
Jumble of a journey to Urinetown!