Mark Hollmann
It’s a Privilege to Pee
[Old Man Strong, spoken]
Bobby! Bobby, reason with the woman. I'm a little short this morning

[Bobby, spoken]
He's my Pa, Ms. Pennywise. Can't he come in for free? Just this once?

[Penny, spoken]
Get your head out of the clouds, Bobby Strong. No one gets in for free. Every morning, you all come here. And every morning some of you got reasons why ya ain't gonna pay. And I'm here to tell ya, ya is gonna pay!

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
In the name of God, Penny, what difference could it make?

[Penny, spoken]
What difference?!

(sung)
"Times are hard," "Our cash is tight,"
'"You've got no right," I've heard it all before
"Just this once" is once too much
Cause once they've onced, they'll want to once once more

I run the only toilet in this part of town, you see
So, if you've got to go, you've got to go through me

It's a privilege to pee
Water's worth it's weight in gold these days
No more bathrooms like in olden days
You come here and pay a fee
For the privilege to pee

Twenty years, we've had the drought
And our reservoirs have all dried up
I take my baths now in a coffee cup
I boil what's left of it for tea
And it's a privilege to pee

The politicians in their wisdom saw
That there should be a law
The politicians taxed the toilets
And made illegal
Public urination and defecation
So, come and give your coins to me
Write your name here in the record book
The authorities will want to look
If you've been regular with me
If you've paid the proper fee
For the privilege to pee

[Bobby, spoken]
But Ms. Pennywise—

[Penny, spoken]
I said no but's, Bobby. You're a sweet lookin' boy and I likes to keep you around, but this man ain't comin' in without payin'. Not this time!

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
I can't wait much longer, Bobby. There's no tellin' what I might do!

[Penny, sung]
You think you've got
Some kind of right?

[The Poor]
Kind of right, kind of right!

[Penny]
You think you'll come in here and go for free?
[The Poor]
Snag a freebie!

[Penny]
The only thing you'll get is "no" for free!

[The Poor]
Negatory!

[Penny]
I'm a business gal, you see

[The Poor]
Business gal, you see!

[Penny and (The Poor)]
I sell the privilege to pee! (It's a privilege to pee)

[Penny]
The good Lord made us so we'd p*ss each day
Until we p*ss away
The good Lord made sure that what goes in men
Must soon come out again
So you're no different then
From lowly me

[The Poor]
Me
Lowly me
Lowly me
Lowly me
Lowly me!

[Bobby, spoken]
But, Ms. Pennywise—

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
That's enough, Bobby

[Penny]
And I think I'll charge you twice

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
No need to jeopardize your position

[Penny]
Or better yet, have you arrested

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
I'm through with this, you see

[Penny]
Since you prefer the law gets tested

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
Scrapin' cash three times a day

[Penny]
And in Urinetown you'll see

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
Crazy with the nitrates half the time

[Penny]
Why it's dumb to fight with me

[Old Man Strong, spoken]
It's no way to live, I tells ya. No way to live!

[Penny]
For the privilege to pee!