Goodnight, Sun
This Little Light of Mine

This is my salutation. A sun song. Kealakekua Bay is an old place. There's a viewpoint as you come down the highway that I remember sitting on after work and basking in the most epic sunsets. Those vistas, they were like paintings. All sun, a little sky, and an equally infinite ocean. I would perch there on certain days when it felt right. It was all about fearlessness then. Doing things I didn't know how to do so I could get over being scared to try it. I was pretty skinny back then. Huge beard on my face, lip ring, long hair down to my butt. I lived at a couple of different farms over my time there. To tell you the truth I can't remember exactly which one I was at when this song was birthed. What I remember is the turn out off the highway where I sat and watched the sunset. There it was, all fiery and red and taking up the whole sky. And there I was, high on mushrooms or LSD, singing to it as it set fell into the ocean. What a wondrous thing it was to witness. There's a familiar newness and innocence of those precious awakening moments.

There is poetry in this love song to Ra. A tinge of loneliness can be felt in the words “Am I as prideful as you say that I am? I mumble loudly and work through the silence.” Fumbling and awkward are great ways to describe how my social skills were back then. Well, I'll give myself a little more credit in saying that by the time I'd been in Hawaii for a few months, my ability to interact with humans had gotten loads better. Even with two summers in Alaska and a winter in Louisiana, my ability to be outgoing had overcome the much lower level of anxiety or insecurity that I'd left home with. So, despite depression teasing my every step to self-love, “this little light of mine will brighten up a dark place” is exactly what I focused on.

Without the sun's positive vibration shining down on me each day, I don't know if I would have learned such skills to survive. I spent a lot of time outdoors and in the ocean because of it. Learned to sweat, bleed, and enjoy being in and of the earth. The sun would never complain or take me for granted. I was always at her mercy. And she would charge me up just enough for the moon to take over and continue my wonderment with life, creation, and love songs. And so it was. My salvation was solar, and my heart beamed with circles around the moon.