[MRS JOHNSTONE]
The house we got was lovely
The neighbours are a treat
They sometimes fight on Saturday night
But never in the week

(spoken)
[FEMALE NEIGHBOUR]
What time d'ya call this then?!

[MALE NEIGHBOUR]
Time I got shot o' you, ratbag!

(sung)
[MRS JOHNSTONE]
Since I pay me bills on time
The milkman insists I call him Joe
He brings me bread and eggs
Says I've got legs
Like Marilyn Monroe
He even takes me dancin'
Takes me dancin'
I know our Sammy burnt the school down
Well it's very easily done
If the teachers let the silly gets
Play with magnesium
Thank God he only got probation
Well, the judge was old and slow
Thought it was kind of him
Said I reminded 'im of Marilyn Monroe

[JUDGE]
And can I take you dancing?
I'd love to take you dancing, m'lady!

[MRS JOHNSTONE]
Our Mickey's just turned fourteen
Well, you know he's at that age
When you mention girls and courtin'
He flies into a rage
[MICKEY]
Shut up talkin' about me, mother!

[MRS JOHNSTONE]
He's got a thing for taking blackheads out
He thinks that I don't know
That he dreams all night of girls who look like Marilyn Monroe
He's even started dancin'
Secret dancin'
As for the rest they've flown the nest
Got married or moved away
Our Donna Marie's already got three
She's a bit like me that way
And that other child of mine
I haven't seen for years although
Each day I pray he'll be OK
Not like poor Marilyn Monroe