[Verse 1]
Gray hair, glasses, suitcase
Humble, clever
Constantly working for peace
Uganda, Congo
And the Oslo treaty plan
Oh my God, what a plan

Not as famous as Gahr Støre
Not a daddy's boy like Jens
But when hand grenades are flying
There's just one man you can trust

[Refrain 1]
When there's war and all is hell
Send in Jan Egeland!
The United Nations superhero man

Mad dictator with a gun
Send in Jan Egeland!
Oh, how I wish, I was Jan Egeland!

[Verse 2]
Blue eyes, firm hands, nice legs
Clean shaved body
Drinking his protein shakes
Spray-tan, skin cream
And buttocks like he was eighteen
He's a peacekeeping machine
And he stares, into the mirror
Flexing muscles in the night
And he says "Boy, I think you're ready
To protect some human rights"

[Refrain 2]
When there's war and all is hell
Bring in Jan Egeland!
The United Nations Superhero man

He plays golf with Kofi Annan
And looks at maps with George Cloon
Oh, how I wish, I was Jan Egeland

[Bridge]
When he's sad he goes to funerals
In unusually heavy rain
Large amounts of water in his face
But that doesn't hide his pain

He breaks down just like a homo
And starts crying just like a girl
But I guess you can cry and still be a man
If your day job is saving the world!

[Refrain 3]
When there's war and all is hell
Send in Jan Egeland!
He's a macho muscle-pumping crying god!
If there's one man you should trust
It is the Janny-boy
Oh, how I wish, I was Jan Egeland!