[Verse 1]
Well I ain't been home for so doggone long
I almost forgot a-where I come from
Ain't got no money but I still ain't a bum
I'm just almost nearly but not quite plumb

[Verse 2]
A back last summer down by the sea
I seen a pretty girl and a bucking knee
I snapped my fingers said, "Son of a gun"
She's almost nearly but not quite plumb

[Chorus]
Some people wonder how I live
Sometimes I pick sometimes I give
People say I'm a bum
I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb

[Verse 3]
I met a pretty girl up in Chicago
She said, "A-honey baby I love you so"
She begged me to stay and not follow my thumb
I did almost nearly but not quite plumb

[Verse 4]
Friends ask me why I don't take a wife
And settle down to a married life
They say, "It's good as most and it's better than some"
I say, "It's almost nearly but not quite plumb"
[Chorus]
Some people wonder how I live
Sometimes I pick sometimes I give
People say I'm a bum
I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb

[Verse 5]
Just the other night out in Tucson
I had a little date with a great big blonde
I took her home she said, "Didn't we have fun?"
Hmm, almost nearly but not quite plumb

[Verse 6]
When it's time for the final date
With old Saint Pete at the pearly gates
He'll say, "I hope you're ready for your time's come"
I'll say, "I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb"

[Chorus]
Some people wonder how I live
Sometimes I pick sometimes I give
People say that I'm a bum
I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb