[Chorus]
Why do the best lookin' girls have real ugly friends?
It seems like it always works like that
You'll meet a queen, the girl of your dreams
And she'll have a friend that's really fat

[Verse 1]
But you decide to take a chance
This could be a great romance if only she could just get rid of her
"She's my cousin from the east and I know that she's a beast"
And I don't think that this is gonna work

[Verse 2]
So you take them both out while you try to figure out
"How can I dump the pig?"
You've spent sixty bucks, but things are looking up
She just said she wants to make it big

[Verse 3]
Now the problem is this, every time we hug and kiss
Her friend says, "I want to go home!"
And we want her to, but we don't know what to do
And that's why it's time for this song

[Chorus]
Why do the best lookin' girls have real ugly friends?
It seems like it always works like that
Oh, you'll meet a queen, the girl of your dreams
And she'll have a friend that's really, really fat
[Verse 4]
Every time you make your play, you'll find out there ain't no way
To make love to beauty and the beast
Why do the best lookin' girls have these real ugly friends?
Does this only happen to me?

[Outro]
Now I'm so hot I could smother
'Cause they both come home to mother
Does this only happen to me?