Its over, we missed the bus
Nice idea, but not for us
We didn't click lets make it quick and say goodbye
Don't hold my hand and don't demand a reason why
No loving looks, no fond regards
Tonight was always on the cards
I like big muscles you are thin and lanky
I like nice manners you are far too cranky
You blew your nose and then looked in your hanky
Things would never have worked
The day i met you was a real heart wrencher
I thought that love would be a big adventure
Then saw the spinach on your bottom denture
Things would never have worked
I wanted champagne and roses, cause that's the way I am
You gave me vimto, tinned carrots and spam
I wanted love to come and knock our blocks off
But even venus takes her card and clocks off
Your idea of foreplay was to take your socks off
Things would never have worked
Rapports a thing you just can't manufacture
You had your pin up girl, i couldn't matcher her
I didn't want to it was mrs thatcher
Things would never have worked
I wanted moonlight and roses and all that silly tosh
You wanted gerbils, a whippet, a wash
I wanted love songs but you wouldn't write them
My earlobes nibbled but you wouldn't bite them
You'd only fart and then attempt to light them
Things would never have worked
Were not compatible lets not get blue dear
At least we see each others points of view dear
I like big hunky men and so do you dear
Things would never have worked