[Intro]
Yeah, I feel good
Pretty good
Feeling like I'm 'bout to go in
Yep, OK

[Verse 1]
I gots no coins, gots no cash
But if you want gold check underneath the stache
I mean mustache
Sweater's from the Goodwill, if you must ask
Was saving at the thrift store
Way before Macklemore
Setting up genius bars like on the Apple Store
(Damn!)
And shout out to the Apple Store
Put a pencil to my iPad and it don't work no more
Picked up the phone, called customer service
Hung up when the lady's sexy voice made me nervous
(You messed up)
Shoulda asked her for a date
She coulda gone to my rap show on the eighth
Called right back this time, got a dude
Just invited him didn't want to be rude
Now, he's my friend from the Apple Store
Broke my phone screen when it dropped on the floor
Said he'd hook me up with like 25 more
UPS delivered right to my front door
I could keep a few if I just signed a form
Then came a knock at a quarter to four
Two boys in blue said they heard I got a score
Held up a poster, have you seen him before?
Er, it's my friend from the Apple Store

[Bridge]
*heavy breathing*
Oh no! No! It's my friend from the Apple Store

[Verse 2]
I never seen him, I swore and I swore
And I wanna see a warrant, what you take me for?
I picked up the phone, five was the time called
(867-5309)
That's my friend's number and I got him on the line
He said sorry, cause I almost got caught
He shoulda told me yesterday the phone screens were hot
On the black market here we sell 'em like rocks
Now be a good friend and drive 'em down to the docks
And while you're at the wheel keep an eye out for the cops
Don't speed through the lights and obey all the stops
Hey, welcome to the Apple Store
Hopped up in my wagon, headed out to the shore
Saw my friend parked, these screens aren't yours
And you tricked me into taking 'em what you do this for
Cal, it's clear that you don't get around
I had to play you, you're the dumbest mark I ever found
Then I heard a siren sound
(Hey, put the screens down and put your hands on the ground!)

[Outro]
Dang! (x6)
No! I'm too beautiful to go to jail!