MUELLER: Donald J. Trump?

TRUMP: What?

MUELLER: Open up, Mr. President, it's me: Special Counsel Robert Mueller

TRUMP: What do you want, man?

MUELLER: I just want to talk

TRUMP: No collusion!

MUELLER: I never said anything about collusion

TRUMP: You're the puppet!

MUELLER: I just want to ask you some questions about Russian influence on the 2016 election

TRUMP: Well you know what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say it wasn't me

MUELLER: All right...
Special Counsel got you sweatin' like crazy
Tweeting that it's a witch hunt
Open up, got some questions 'bout Russia
Evidence you should confront
I'm just trying to learn the truth
And figure out how much you knew
All this time my investigation
Never took its eyes off you
TRUMP: This damn Russian probe's gonna bite me in the bummer
I never should have fired James Comey last summer
Pundits call me dumb, Bannon made me look dumber
I'll blame Hillary, boy I really outdone her!
To be a true dealer know the art of the deal
If Mueller's pressing charges then I'm going to appeal
Delete my work e-mails before they reveal
I paid off Stormy Daniels so she'd spank me 'til I squealed

MUELLER: Manafort committed tax fraud

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: Had shady business dealings abroad

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: So many staffers who could be bought

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: How'd you think you couldn't be caught?

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: I wanna know who conspired
TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: With Russian bots who were hired

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: Treason may have transpired

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: I think your pants are on fire
Special Counsel got you sweatin' like crazy
Tweeting that it's a witch hunt
Have a seat, got some questions 'bout Russia
Evidence you should confront
I'll subpoena you to testify in front of a grand jury
Just know five of your associates have already plead guilty

TRUMP: Bet you think you're clever and you're getting real close
You see them talking Russia on the cable news shows
I've nothing to hide, but I'm going to propose
You talk to my lawyer 'cause I can't be deposed!
I know there's gonna be a lot of tough interviews
Don't care 'bout Don Jr., he's a son I can lose
I'll stick to the plan, attack the fake news
I really should have told Jeff Sessions not to recuse
MUELLER: Shall we talk about the pee tape?

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: We've got a copy on replay

TRUMP: It wasn't me

MUELLER: And our mouths were just agape

TRUMP: It wasn't pee

MUELLER: I mean, my God, it's the pee tape!

TRUMP: It wasn't pee!

MUELLER: I just came in and I caught him red-handed
Tangled in a web of lies
Say goodbye to your friends in Russia
Hello to the FBI
They may say I take too long
And my probe is a giant fail
But stay tuned, my investigation's
Putting Donald Trump in jail

TRUMP: Telling you it wasn't me!

MUELLER: You keep saying that, see how it works out for you

TRUMP: What about my family?

MUELLER: Don't you worry, they're coming, Ivanka, Don Jr., Tiffany...

TRUMP: Tiffany? Who...who the hell is Tiffany?!