Goodnight to all you late night TV watchers
And let me say good morning to you all
At the sound of my voice through this microphone line
Consider that your wake up call

My name is Billy R. Burroughs
I'm not the man you think I am
Some mistake me for a writer
Some mistake me for another network man

I am the guy who has just hijacked this channel
This telecast is now under my control
And now that I have the chance to say what's on my mind
Let me tell you tales untold

For 30 years I've worked here at this TV station
In an editing room no one has ever seen
Inserting laughter after every punchline
And gasping after every scream

But now I want you to give me back
The years that I have wasted
Staring at these television screens
And now that I have your attention
Let me show you what I mean

Because I remember back when I was in high school
I never thought I'd stoop so low
I thought I'd be the guy on unmasking the clown
Not the guy out polishing his nose

So tomorrow on your way into work
Who will be wearing the emperor's clothes?
Watch the show