[DOBITCH, KIRKEBY, EICHELBERGER & VANDERHOF]
Where can you, if you're a man
Take a girl, if she's a girl
That you can't, can't ever take
Home for a little drink?

Like other guys who live alone can do
That is the reason why
Most married men are true
Aside from hotels

Where can you, if you're alone
Take a girl who's on her own
That you can't, can't ever take
Home on your one night out?

One night to be a man and not a mouse
Most married men play cards
Most single men play house
We'd like to play house, too

All we need is one place
A small apartment, a truck or trailer
Old or new
Oh, there must be some place
A baby carriage, a kiddie car will do
We aren't proud
Where can you take a girl that you just can't take home?
Where can you, a man that's true
Take a girl who gets to you
That you can't, can't ever take
Home for a little whirl?

Dance her around so fast, she starts to shout
Most married men just waltz
Most single men make out
We'd like to make out too

All we need is one place
For sixty minutes or forty minutes
More or less
Oh, there must be some place
In twenty minutes, we'll find happiness
We can be fast
In fact, we always are, aside from rooftops

Where can you, if you are free
Take a girl you'd like to see
That you can't, can't ever take home?
What's there left to do but to go home to our wives?