Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer (Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats) lyrics

T.S. Eliot

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a very notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clown, quick-change comedians, tight-rope walkers and acrobats
They had extensive reputation. They made their home in Victoria Grove--
That was merely their centre of operation, for they were incurably given to rove
They were very well know in Cornwall Gardens, in Launceston Place and in Kensington Square--
They had really a little more reputation than a couple of cats can very well bear

If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls
Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls:

Then the family would say: "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie--or Rumpelteazer!"-- And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a very unusual gift of the gab
They were highly efficient cat-burglars as well, and remarkably smart at smash-and-grab
They made their home in Victoria Grove. They had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows, and liked to engage a friendly policeman in conversation

When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
With their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner
On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
And the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven-like that!"
Then the family would say: "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie--or Rumpelteazer!"-- And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck, and some of the time you would say it was weather
They would go through the house like a hurricane, and no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie--or Rumpelteazer? or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?

And when you heard a dining-room smash
Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming--
Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie! AND Rumpelteazer!"-- And there's nothing at all to be done about that!

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