[ERICH, spoken]
Mama, Daddy, we need to have a talk
(sung)
Mama
Um, Daddy
I thought it was time to advise you
Mama
Daddy
You know how I love to surprise you

Daddy, have a seat
Have a sweet
Have another
Mother, you look ravishing today
And such a lovely gathering
There's no one else I'd rather ring
And oh, and gee, I'm blathering
But this is hard to say

It's something you don't write a letter for
Perhaps if I had the right metaphor
Oh, look at that platter of petit four
Your son is becoming a singer

[BOBBY & LESH]
Our son is becoming a singer
Isn't this a happy day?
Thank the Lord
Our Erich's becoming a singer
[LESH]
Whenever we thought of the pus and the blood

[BOBBY]
And the phlegm and the crud

[LESH]
And the sharp utensils

[BOBBY & LESH]
What else can we say?
Our son is becoming a singer
Hooray!

[ERICH, spoken]
Very amusing fellas, but that's a fairytale

[YOUNG RABBI, spoken]
Okay, let's try it again
Sit

[ERICH]
Mama
Daddy
There's something your son needs to tell you
Me, your only son—
[BOBBY & LESH]
Oh, the one who's a doctor?

[ERICH]
Yeah
Has a little problem to explain
My life's a dull endeavor now
And even limbs I sever now
The joy is gone forever now
From suffering and pain

I know you will find it ironical
A smear on the family chronicle
Oh, Daddy, hold on to your monocle
Your son is becoming a singer

[HARRY, CHOPIN & YOUNG RABBI]
Your son is becoming a singer

[BOBBY]
Wife, get a knife
Help me open up a vein

[HARRY, CHOPIN & YOUNG RABBI]
Get a nurse
Your son is becoming a singer
[LESH]
Shame to our name
Far too horrid to explain

[BOBBY]
We'll say he contracted malaria

[LESH]
And quietly slip from the area

[BOBBY & LESH]
And hide in a hut in Bulgaria
'Cause Erich's becoming a singer

[ERICH]
I'll be happy

[BOBBY & LESH]
Happy?

[YOUNG RABBI]
Happy?

[CHOPIN]
Happy?

[HARRY]
Happy?

[ERICH]
I'll be happy
What a concept
Erich Collin being happy
Was I ever really happy?
It doesn't even ring a bell
So what the hell?
Your son is becoming a singer

[HARMONISTS & ERICH]
Hallelujah and amen (Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la)
Thank the Lord, our Erich's becoming a singer (I'm becoming a singer)
You pulled your last appendix, doc
And seen your final chicken pock

Your son is becoming a singer
Sound the horns and ring the bells (Good idea!)

Your son is becoming a singer (Ah)
For happiness to ring a bell
You're gonna have to ring it, fella
Make that clanger sway

Your son is becoming a singer (Your son is becoming a singer)
A singer (Your son is becoming a singer)
Today (Today, today)
Hooray, hooray
Yay (Today, today)
Hooray, hooray

[HARMONISTS & ERICH]
Today