[Verse One]:
The road to the top, through cross guards and hard knocks
Copper penny Johns and endless city blocks
Thieves straight as an arrow and crooked rent-a-cops
Shooting craps in the back of vacant lots

Three ring circus acts and worthless facts
Dancing in my solar, soggy bowl of Diggum' Smacks
Fist-fucking faggots at the Y on gym mats
Rats run the wire while I'm looking for a match

I go back and forth just like a Cameo song
Honeys wanna love me but the line is long
So I make 'em take a number
Wake 'em from their slumber
What you know about Mickey?
(He's a bad motherfucker)

Truckers get my digits off the stalls at rest stops
I'm sick on the microphone like smallpox
Wild-eyed babies go crazy when I rock
Blind old ladies enter diabetic shock

[Hook]:
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

[Verse Two]:
I flow like Niagara, so go tell your manager
That Mickey Avalon ain't no motherfuckin' amateur
I fly flics of my dick with your camera
And rip the stick out my girl's Porsche Carrera

I bought your whole formula, just warmin' up
Storm the front line and then find a spot for lunch
Toxic fruit punch when the loot comes
Rocket boosters when my boots run

Underneath the tundra reach out for the Thundercats
Hoes know better find this brother at
I ripped the rubber mats out your lover's pad
And kicked your mother's ass right in front of your dad

Last night, a brass pipe and a flashlight
Smashed my crown and laid me down with a black eye
The bad guy, walking over landmines
Who can't die, but still tries
[Hook]
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

[Verse Three]:
Leave your God and your politics back at home
'Cause I just wanna drink and be left alone
I got a girl who likes to talk my ear off, see
So when I'm at the bar, stay away from me

Don't ask for a smoke or to make some change
I don't care about your kid or your menstrual pains
You can call me rude but I like my solitude
And we don't need to chat while we're playing pool

So stay cool mister, I wasn't lookin' at your sister
That snaggle toothed sea hag, lips all blistered
Now rack the balls while I'm in the stall
Pissin' out vodka and marking up the walls
I turn off the ringer when my lady calls
And don't point your finger unless you want a brawl
I chalk up my cue and sink the eight ball
Then reach into my pocket and light a Pall Mall

[Hook]
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown