[Chorus]
I'm a two time loser and a three time cheat
A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak
If you wanna know just what makes me tick
Call up Candy and ask the bitch

[Verse 1]
I write my rhymes in white shoe polish
Learn to read with Hooked on Phonics
Pop's died broke, alone, with jaundice
So Mom's taught me bought hydroponics
Got the rat skinned coat but I trap that beaver
Oscar Mayer paid to see my Weiner
I used to get touched by my P.E. teacher
But now I spit heat through stolen speakers

[Chorus]
I'm a two time loser and a three time cheat
A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak
If you wanna know just what makes me tick
Call up Candy and ask the bitch

[Verse 2]
My car don't start but I still get in it
To smoke some sticks and eat my spinach
The shock therapy done left me skittish
I'm a schmuck and a putz, please excuse my Yiddish
My credit card's maxed but I still use it
To crush that coke to gangster music
My cellphone screen's so smashed it's useless
Put me in a straight coat I'm 'bout to lose it
[Chorus]
I'm a two time loser and a three time cheat
A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak
If you wanna know just what makes me tick
Call up Candy and ask the bitch

[Verse 3]
My crib's so foul that my bitch got rickets
But she still come through for them conjugal visits
Selling that sex is a dirty business but my white dick is damn delicious
I owe my landlord 3 years wages so I placed an ad in the yellow pages:
"There ain't nothing that's too outrageous so call me up for sexual favours"

[Chorus]
I'm a two time loser and a three time cheat
A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak
If you wanna know just what makes me tick
Call up Candy and ask the bitch