[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Haha, looks like you could use some help
From the big boss of Hell himself
Check out daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp
Five stars! Flawless! Greater than great!
Oh, with the punch of a pentagram
I wap-bam-boom, alakazam
Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb
But you get the family rate

[HPKritical as LUCIFER & CHARLIE]
Thanks, dad!

[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? (Woah-oh-oh)
Michelin-tasting menu, free à la carte
I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref
Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just to start!

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
Who has been here since day one?
Who's been faithful as a nun?
Who makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun?
Your еxecutive producer

[HPKritical as CHARLIE]
That's truе!
[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
I'm your guy, your day-to-day
Your chum, your steadfast hotelier
Remember when I fixed that clog today?

[HPKritical as NIFFTY]
I was stuck, thank you, sir!

[HPKritical as CHARLIE]
Oh, you!

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond

[HPKritical as CHARLIE]
Aww!

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
You're like the child that I wish that I had

[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Uh, what?

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
I care for you, just like a daughter I spawned
[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Hold on now!

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
It's a little funny, you could almost call me dad

[Instrumental Break]

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
They say when you're looking for assistance
It's smart to pick the path of least resistance

[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Others say that in your needy hour
There's no substitute for pure angelic power!
Who just happens to also be your blood!

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud
They say the family you choose is better

[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
What a bunch of losers

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
Can you butt out of my song?
[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Your song? I started this!

[HPKritical as ALASTOR]
I'm singing it, I'll finish it!

[HPKritical as LUCIFER]
Oh, you tacky piece of—

[HPKritical as MIMZY]
It's me, yes, it's me
I know you were all waiting for me
I'm here, what a gas
Took a while, but I'm present at last
It's me, it's me
Mimzy!

[HPKritical as LUCIFER, spoken]
Who?