I take too long to answer telephones
I take too long to type my name and record messages
But my handwriting is excellent
In fact, it's second to none, none

I just got in from somewhere really good
They offered me the part of Bono and a speaking role
With all the merchandise and sunglasses
I could ever need, need

I drive 'round cities in a chariot
I get preferential treatment at the Marriott
But if the truth be told
I'm naked under all these clothes

I tell you what it is on my mind
I only want to be in your record collection, whoa
I only want to be in your record collection, whoa
And I'll do anything it takes just to get there

My brain is buzzing and the room is strange
Like the scene in Trading Places at the stock exchange
I made a million overnight in '87
Now I'm living in my parking space, parking space

My teeth are bright and my hair is clean
I wear Paco Rabanne like I was Charlie Sheen
But in the rain we all look wet
And in the snow we all look cold
I tell you what it is on my mind
I only want to be in your record collection, whoa
I only want to be in your record collection, whoa
And I'll do anything it takes just to get there

Disgusted by all the flashness
I think I'm a don, they think I'm an actor, but I catch this
My two needs are pillow and a mattress
Once I can fill up the space with a famous actress

Give me a mil, I'll do a DJ set
I pull spikey with the greet like a cactus
Show off, ego's high
You can't match this chauvinistic pig, money man tactics

I'm not as clever as I thought I was
It got pointed out to me as I was tying the knot
And all I want to know is
How I got so far down, down

I'm not as lucky as I thought I was
My luck ran out the other day as I was crossing the road
Who would have thought a truck like that
Could have caused so much?

I tell you what it is on my mind
I only want to be in your record collection, whoa
I only want to be in your record collection, whoa
And I'll do anything it takes just to get there