(“Groovy People” by Lou Rawls starts playing)

[Rolfe]
Hey, this is Rolfe DeWolfe
Comin’ at you live from Showbiz Pizza Place
Hey, we got any groovy people out there today?
Haha

(“Groovy People” by Lou Rawls continues playing)

[Rolfe]
Yeah

(“Groovy People” by Lou Rawls continues playing)

[Rolfe]
Me too, Lou

(“Groovy People” by Lou Rawls continues playing)

[Rolfe]
Nobody

(“Groovy People” by Lou Rawls continues playing)

[Rolfe]
Hey, turn that music down, Johnny
Johnny DeJackamo, our soundman in the back, taking care of some little details for big star Rolfe DeWolfe
Hey, but Johnny’s [a groovy people?] too
In fact, I’m gonna introduce you to Johnny DеJockamo, our soundman, in just a little while
Ah, hey hеy
Hey, let’s get on with the show, whattaya say, Earl?
Haha
[Earl]
You’re a geek

[Rolfe]
That’s my man, Earl

[Earl]
I can’t even stand to look at ya

[Rolfe]
Yeah, thanks for the compliment, Earl, you too
Hey everybody we’re gonna get on with the show now
Hey and guess what?
I’m in such a good mood today, I’m gonna do some singin’ for ya!

[Earl]
Guah!

[Rolfe]
That’s right, Earl
I’m no longer content just to be a fabulous entertainer and comedian
Today I am going to sing for you!

[Earl]
Rolfe!
[Rolfe]
Je vais chanter pour vous!

[Earl]
Rolfe, you’re peggin' my gag meter!

[Rolfe]
Thanks, little Earl

[Earl]
Guah!

[Rolfe]
Maybe some of your folks have caught my act before
I’ve just got back from an engagement in Las Vagas where I was performing at the beautiful Kmart lounge
Over by the cafeteria!
Right next to the small appliances
Yes, people would come in to hear the velvet sounds of Rolfe DeWolfe as they browse through the crockpots and toaster ovens and-

[Earl]
Rolfe!
Look, everybody can see you’re a geek!
Now why don’t you get on with it?!
If we gotta hear you sing we’ll hear you sing!

[Rolfe]
Oh-
[Earl]
I can’t even stand to look at ya!

[Rolfe]
Oh Earl, guess what?

[Earl]
What?

[Rolfe]
Frank Sinatra sent me a beautiful vase of flowers
Isn’t that the most considerate thing?
It came with a real nice card and a bottle of champagne

[Earl]
You’re kiddin’
Is that who sent you the champagne?
Hick- the champagne?
Hick- the champagne back there?
What’d the card say?
Did you tell him you knew me or somethin’?

[Rolfe]
Oh, Earl, it was a lovely and thoughtful card
It said:
“Dear Rolfe,
I see your [?] is back
You were fantastic at the Kmart lounge last week
You know you’re gonna tear 'em up a Showbiz, tiger
Keep up the good work
Yours in awe,
Frank Sinatra”
Wasn’t that sweet, Earl?
Did you hear what I said?
I’ll just have to thank him for that

[Earl]
Rolfe, I can’t believe you’re such a geek!
You sent them flowers and that champagne to yourself, didn’t you?

[Rolfe]
No!

[Earl]
Go on and admit it!

[Rolfe]
Earl, I did not
Now you can go back and inspect them any time you wish on your own time
But right now I’d appreciate it if you’d help me with my introduction to this fabulous tribute to Frank Sinatra

[Earl]
Oh no

[Rolfe]
Hey, do we have any Frank Sinatra fans out there today?
Raise your hands up real high
Let me see ya

[Earl]
Nobody-

[Rolfe]
Look at that, Earl, the place is packed with Frank Sinatra fans!

[Earl]
Where?!

[Rolfe]
Oh, this is your lucky day!

[Earl]
Rolfe, what do I gotta do to get this show on the road?

[Rolfe]
Oh, Earl, just read the queue card, and I’ll do the rest

[Earl]
I don’t see no queue card

[Rolfe]
Oh, well, uh- uh, Johnny DeJockamo it’s time for you to come out here with the queue card!
Are you there, Johnny?

(Orchestra plays)

[Rolfe]
Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny DeJockamo, our special favorite sound [?]
Let’s hear it for Johnny DeJockamo
Thank you, Johnny
Hold that queue card up straight there, yeah, okay
Read the queue card, R-, Earl

[Earl]
Yeah, okay, Rolfe
Uh
┴ᴉ uᴉ ʇuǝɯǝɔuɐʌpɐ lɐɹnʇlnɔ ɟo sʇol ɥʇᴉʍ ʍoɥs lɐᴉɔǝds sᴉɥʇ noʎ ƃuᴉɹq oʇ ǝɹnsɐǝld ɹno sᴉ ʇᴉ, uǝɯǝlʇuǝƃ puɐ sǝᴉpɐl

[Rolfe]
No, no Earl, no, no no
Johnny turn the card over
Uh, Earl, take another stab at it, it was upside down

[Earl]
Sounds right to me!

[Rolfe]
Just read the card

[Earl]
Okay, okay
Uh
Ladies and gentlemen
Uh, it is our pleasure to bring you this special show with lots of cultural advancement in it
So, pay attention
And watch as Rolfe makes a complete geek out of himself

[Rolfe]
Earl, it doesn’t say that

[Earl]
Heh ha
I know but I was reading what it shoulda said

[Rolfe]
Oh, nevermind
Uh, Johnny, don't you have something to do?
You know, the orchestra

(Orchestra plays)

[Rolfe]
Yeah, that’s it
There he goes, ladies and gentlemen
Johnny DeJockamo
Yes, indeed
Johnny DeJockamo
Okay, are you ready, Johnny?
Here we go
Strike up the band for Rolfe DeWolfe’s tribute to Frank Sinatra

[Earl]
This I gotta see

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra starts playing)

[Earl]
Wow, Rolfe!
You’re for real!
I can’t believe it!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing)

[Earl]
Can you believe it?!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing)

[Earl]
Listen to that ladies and gentlemen!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
Wha-?
What’s that?
Rolfe?
Rolfe?

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing)

[Earl]
Rolfe, what was that?

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
Rolfe?!
Rolfe what was that funny noise?!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing)

[Earl]
Rolfe are you playin’ a record?!
Johnny DeJockamo where are you?!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
Okay
Now what are you doing?!

[Rolfe]
Well, y’know, Earl, it’s a medley
Y’know, a- a medley

[Earl]
Yeah, Rolfe well how come I can still hear ya sing when your talkin’?

[Rolfe]
Uh, [?]

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
Okay, Rolfe
I think this has gone far enough

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
What was that?!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing)

[Rolfe]
Let’s hear it for the horns, ladies and gentlemen!

[Earl]
We ain’t got no horns!

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
Real smooth, Rolfe

(“Witchcraft” by Frank Sinatra continues playing, record player malfunctions)

[Earl]
Come on Rolfe, I think you owe everybody a big apology

[Rolfe]
Oh, Earl, everything would’ve been alright if it weren’t for Johnny DeJockamo
Remind me to get a new soundman, Earl

[Earl]
Rolfe, it’s not Johnny’s fault

[Rolfe]
Earl, it’s somebody’s fault!

[Earl]
Rolfe
You know what you are

[Rolfe]
Yeah
I’m a geek

[Earl]
No, Rolfe
You’re not a geek

[Rolfe]
No?

[Earl]
Nah
You’re a [squeamin’/screamin’] geek!