[Intro]
Like it says here in this book:

[Verse 1]
"The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration, may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract"

[Pre-Chorus]
In other words, just from waitin' around
For that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold

[Chorus]
You can spray her wherever you figure
The streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever's she's got
But it just won't work
If she's tired of getting the fish-eye
From the hotel clerk
A person can develop a cold

[Verse 2]
"The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense
Shows a neurotic tendency
See note"
Note
"And chronic, organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat"
[Pre-Chorus]
In other words, just from worryin' whether
The weddin' is on or off
A person can develop a cough

[Chorus]
You can feed her all day with the vitamin A
And the Bromo Fizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near
Where the trouble is
If she's gettin' a kind of a name for herself
And the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough

[Pre-Chorus]
And furthermore, just from stallin' and stallin'
And stallin' the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe

[Chorus]
When they get on the train for Niagara
She can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air-conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga
For the fourteenth time
A person can develop la grippe
[Post-Chorus]
La grippe, la postnasal drip
With the wheezes and the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip
From a lack of community property
And a feeling she's gettin' too old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!