I make a date for golf -
You can bet your life it rains
I try to give a party -
And the guy upstairs complains
I guess I'll go thru life;
Just catchin' colds and missin' trains
Everything happens to me

I never miss a thing -
I've had measles and the mumps
And ev'ry time I play my ace -
My partner always trumps
I guess I'm just a fool;
Who never looks before he jumps
Everything happens to me

At first my heart tho't;
You could break this jinx for me
That love would turn the trick;
To end my despair
But now, I just can't fool;
This head that thinks for me
I've mortgaged all my castles in the air

I've telegraphed and called;
I sent "Air Mail Special", too;
Your answer was goodbye -
And there was even postage due
I fell in love just once;
And then it had to be with you
Everything happens to me