Frank Sinatra: Let's sing some songs.

Dean Martin: Hm, hm. Hey my salad. Damn fool.

Frank Sinatra: Lets do the kiddie album.

Dean Martin: Alrighty.

Frank Sinatra: Look at this. I'm not only an if... fact I've got to handle all the props. Where are all the owners?

Dean Martin: They're on your side Frank baby.

Frank Sinatra: Look at the present we got from Sammy Davis when he opened the other night. He gassed.

Dean Martin: I don't know...

Frank Sinatra: Nice shade.

Dean Martin: I don't care what star you're falling buddy. Get them camels off my lawn.

Frank Sinatra: Can you make it alone?

Dean Martin: Yeah I'm alright.

(Singing) Frank Sinatra: All day, all night, what a job. I just found out that Mr Clean's a dirty slob.
Dean Martin: Oh stop it silly slob. What the hell's the matter with you. I thought you were going to do some nice song.

Frank Sinatra: Just trying to have a little fun folks. That's all.

(Singing) Dean Martin: I danced with a dolly with a hole in her stock and her knees keep a-knocking and her toes keep a-talking. Danced with a dolly with a hole in her stock and the booze ran out of her shoe.

Frank Sinatra: You sing that like you believe it.

Dean Martin: Oh, there's nothing else to believe.

(Singing) Dean Martin: You are too beautiful for one man alone so I brought along my barber...

Frank Sinatra: Brother, brother.

(Singing) Frank Sinatra: You made me love you. I didn't want to do it. You woke me up to do it. You woke me up to do it.

Dean Martin: Hey, hey. Why twice? Why twice?

Frank Sinatra: I took a second aw, I was sleeping so nice and deeply. Shook me like this. I didn't even know her.

Dean Martin: No. Ha. Send her over to my place daddy.

Frank Sinatra: I can't go there.

(Singing) Dean Martin: Nothing could be finer than to shack up with a minor. Ladididoo. Lights.
(Singing) Frank Sinatra: Nothing's more unnerving than to wake up next to Irving.

Frank Sinatra: That was the chicks name.

Dean Martin: Sure, with the moustache.

(Singing) Dean Martin: Beautiful dreamer.

Frank Sinatra: He found it. It took him a little while but he found it.

(Singing) Dean Martin: I dream on and on. I dream in my bed...

Frank Sinatra: No he wouldn't.

(Singing) Dean Martin: and I dream in the John.

Dean Martin: How do you want me to say it.

Frank Sinatra: You dream in the John?

Dean Martin: What do you want me to rhyme, dream in the Pete? It's got to be John. I dream in the Pete. That's wrong. That's no good. For Gods sake. It's like I dream in the sand, that's not good either. Put it back in the sand. Just trying to have a little fun folks, that's all. Excuse me.

Frank Sinatra: Oh boy

(Singing) Dean Martin: I'm dancing with tears in my eyes because the girl in my arms is a boy.
(Singing) Frank Sinatra: Maria, he just found a boy named Maria

(Singing) Dean Martin: Yeah, he chased her up a tree.

Frank Sinatra: What are you shouting about? We got the job. We can work here anytime we want.

(Laughter and applause)

Dean Martin: Do you know how lonely it's going to be here Monday daddy.

Frank Sinatra: If there's nobody driving officer, we were all in the back seat.

Dean Martin: Sure we were. Yeah, I was caught last night. He said walk that white line. I said I ain't walking that white line unless you put a net under it.

(Singing) Dean Martin: She may be weary. Women do get weary wearing the same shaby dress.

Frank Sinatra: Did I tell you about this new cigarette I've been trying.

Dean Martin: What is it?

Frank Sinatra: L.M.

Dean Martin: L.M. What's that?

Frank Sinatra: That's a Long Mother

Dean Martin: Long Mother. How come it's got all them filters.

Frank Sintra: You should put a filter on it. It's a new one. I've been trying it out. It's to avoid cancer but you could get a hernia trying to draw the smoke.

Dean Martin: Get that thing in.

(Singing) Frank Sinatra: And when she's weary.

Dean Martin: Ha. He goes right on. Don't you think at all.

Frank Sinatra: The italian Henny Youngman. Don't fool with me.

(Singing) Frank Sinatra: Get her another shaby dress.

(Singing) Dean Martin: Oh yeah. I look on the jordan and you know what I see.

(Singing) Frank Sinatra: What do you see?

Dean Martin: Mrs. Jordan. Just trying to have a little fun folks.

Frank Sinatra: So was Jordan.

Dean Martin: Hold it.

Frank Sinatra: I'm sorry.

Frank Sintra: What is this thing called love?

Dean Martin: Man if you don't know than we're all dead, I'll tell you that.

(Singing) Dean Martin: Did you ever seen a jew-jitsu. Well I did.

Dean Martin: What is it? What is it?

Sammy Davis Jr: Now listen. Fair is fair.

Dean Martin: Yes

Sammy Davis Jr: Would you like...

Dean Martin: Integration. Integration.

Sammy Davis Jr: Would you like it if I said did you ever see a wop-cicle.

Dean Martin: Hold it. Just you hold it.

Sammy Davis Jr: I ain't going to hold it whitey. Let him hold it.

Frank Sinatra: Well as I live and breath, Sammy Davis Jr.

Dean Martin: Well how are you pal.

Frank Sinatra: When did you get the time Sam.

Dean Martin: I'd like to thank the NAACP for this wonderful trophy.

Sammy Davis Jr: Would you put me down.

Frank Sinatra: That means the National Association for the Advancement of Caucasian People.

Dean Martin: Have a drink smokey baby. That's kind of dark ain't it. Ahh.

Sammy Davis Jr: If this doesn't straighthen my hair nothing will. It's been a long time since I cut an italian.

Dean Martin: How come we wear pants and he wears leotards all the time.

Frank Sinatra: Tell him about the time he got on the bus and the driver said to him "in the back." He said "I'm not colored I'm Jewish" and the guy said "get off." Get off the bus.

Sammy Davis Jr: Listen, can we all sing something together.

Dean Martin: Hey Sam, hey. I'll dance with you, I'll sing with you, I'll go shopping with you, I'll play golf with you, I'll eat with you but don't touch me. I say enough is enough. You've had your last march booby. Heh. I love you and don't you forget it. You know I'm only kidding pal. You know that, right.

Sammy Davis Jr: You better be kidding or you see some troops on this stage.