[Verse 1]
Make your money with a suit and tie
Make your money with clear denial
Make your money expert advice
If you can wing it
Make your money with a power ply
Make your money with a buyout bribe
You can lie
As long as you mean it

[Chorus]
I'm not the king of comedy
Grease the pig and give a squeeze
(Squeeze me)

[Verse 2]
Make your money with exploitation
Make it holy with illumination
Say a prayer at every station
Don't forget to ask for mercy
Make your money with a pretty face
Make it easy with product placement
Make it charged with controversy
I'm straight, I'm queer, I'm bi

[Chorus]
I'm not the king of comedy
I'm not your magazine
I'm not your television
[Verse 3]
Make your money, make it rich
Make it young and make it quick
Make your money on the jukebox, baby
It's pick up sticks
Make your enemies make your moves
Make your critics fumble through
Make it smart and make it schmooze
And make it look easy

[Chorus]
I'm not the king of comedy
I'm not your magazine
I'm not your television
I'm not your movie screen

[Outro]
I'm not commodity
(All together now)
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
(I'm not)
I'm not commodity
(I'm)
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity