[MARY, spoken]
Hey!

(sung)
Here's to us—

[FRANK]
Who's like us?

[CHARLEY]
Damn few

[FRANK]
Hey, old friend
Are you okay, old friend?
What do you say, old friend?
Are we or are we unique?
Time goes by
Everything else keeps changing
You and I
We get continued next week
Most friends fade
Or they don't make the grade
New ones are quickly made
And in a pinch, sure, they'll do
But us, old friend
What's to discuss, old friend?
Here's to us—
Who's like us?
Damn few!
[CHARLEY]
So, old friend
Fill me in slow, old friend—
Start from hello, old friend
I want the when, where, and how
Old friends
Do tend to become old habit—
Never knew
How much I missed you till now

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Most friends fade
Or they don't make the grade
New ones are quickly made
Some of them worth something, too
But us, old friends—
What's to discuss, old friends?

[FRANK]
Tell you something:
Good friends point out your lies
Whereas old friends live and let live

[MARY]
Good friends like and advise
Whereas old friends love and forgive
[FRANK]
And old friends let you go your own way—

[CHARLEY]
Help you find your own way—

[MARY]
Let you off when you're wrong—

[FRANK]
If you're wrong—

[CHARLEY]
When you're wrong—

[MARY]
Right or wrong, the point is:
Old friends shouldn't care if you're wrong

[FRANK]
Should, but not for too long

[CHARLEY]
What's too long?

[FRANK]
If you're wrong!
[CHARLEY]
When you're wrong!

[MARY]
The thing is:
Old friends do leave their brands on you
But old friends shouldn't compete

[FRANK]
Old friends don't make demands on you—

[CHARLEY]
Should make demands on you—

[FRANK]
Well, don't make demands you can't meet

[CHARLEY]
Well, what's the
Point of demands you can meet?

[MARY]
Well, there's a time for demands
Whether you meet them or not—

[CHARLEY, spoken, overlapping]
No. You are never wrong. Never. The last time you admitted you were wrong was one cold Tuesday back in Chicago in December 1954!

[FRANK, spoken, overlapping]
If you were right, I'd be the first to admit it. But with you, there is no other side. There's only your way and the wrong way!

[MARY, spoken, overlapping]
Guys, fellas, boys, buddies, c'mon. Aargh!

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Hey, old friends
How do we stay old friends?
Who is to say, old friends
How an old friendship survives?
One day chums
Having a laugh a minute
One day comes
And they're a part of your lives
New friends pour
Through the revolving door
Maybe there's one that's more
If you find one, that'll do
But us, old friends
What's to discuss, old friends?

[FRANK & CHARLEY]
Here's to us

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Who's like us?

[FRANK & CHARLEY]
Two old friends—
Fewer won't do, old friends—

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Gotta have two old friends
Helping you balance along

[FRANK & CHARLEY]
One upbraids you
For your faults and fancies

[MARY]
One persuades you

[CHARLEY]
That the other one's

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Wrong
Most friends fade
Or they don't make the grade
New ones are quickly made
Perfect as long as they're new
But us, old friends
What's to discuss, old friends?

[FRANK]
Here's to us!

[FRANK & CHARLEY]
Who's like us?

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Damn few!