[Intro]
Don't pick it up, yo!

[Verse 1]
I saw a little kid as he walked around
He picked a candy bar up off the ground
He chowed about a half then his face turned blue
Turned out that candy bar was a doggy-doo

[Chorus]
(Whoa-oh) Don't pick it up I say
(Whoa-oh) Unless you can throw it away
(Whoa-oh) Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way

[Verse 2]
You're out there makin' bacon, no scrutiny
You mess around too much and you got VD
You know you never think and you're sore today
You're gonna take it back to Californ-I-A

[Chorus]
(Whoa-oh) Don't pick it up I say
(Whoa-oh) Unless you can throw it away
(Whoa-oh) Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way
[Interlude]
Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't!
(Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!)
So...

[Verse 3]
My friend was kinda hurtin' a girl to try
He saw one that looked like Pat on Saturday Night Live
It had a pair of thingies, a mustache too
Not clearly male nor female, so what to do

[Chorus]
(Whoa-oh) Don't pick it up I say
(Whoa-oh) Unless you can throw it away
(Whoa-oh) Don't pick it up I say
You're gonna be bummed that you went that way