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Gus Johnson

"I’m A Middle-Aged Man With A Cell Phone Plan"

I'm a middle-aged man with a cell phone plan
But I only use it one way when I hold it in my hand
With my pointer finger! (Tap.)
With my pointer! (Tap. Tap.)
Using thumb-thumbs is for dum-dums, use that pointer!

If you're over forty-two
You know exactly what to do
You won't see this from your step-kids
We're the only ones that get this
The thumb's for little b*tches
So use all your other digits
Whip that smartphone out and use that pointer finger!

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