I'm a middle-aged man with a cell phone plan
But I only use it one way when I hold it in my hand
With my pointer finger! (Tap.)
With my pointer! (Tap. Tap.)
Using thumb-thumbs is for dum-dums, use that pointer!

If you're over forty-two
You know exactly what to do
You won't see this from your step-kids
We're the only ones that get this
The thumb's for little bitches
So use all your other digits
Whip that smartphone out and use that pointer finger!