KATHRYN
Eat me, Sebastian. It’s all right for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone, but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact I have to act like Mary Sunshine twenty four seven so I can be considered a lady? I’m the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad?
I'm only happy when it rains

So, tell me, are you in or are you out?

SEBASTIAN
I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains

KATHRYN
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains

CECILE
This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea
SEBASTIAN
It's from Long Island. I'll just call your mom and have her come pick you up

CECILE
No, please please please. I'll do anything. Just don't call my mom

SEBASTIAN
Cecile, all I want to do is give you a kiss

CECILE
Just a kiss?

SEBASTIAN
I don't want to kiss you here. I want to kiss you down there

CECILE
Okay

KATHRYN
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains

SEBASTIAN
Love me love me
Say that you love me

ANNETTE
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me

SEBASTIAN AND ANNETTE
I can't care 'bout anything but you

GREG
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie

SEBASTIAN AND ANNETTE
But you

GREG
I want to see you out that door
Baby bye bye bye
SEBASTIAN AND ANNETTE
You

GREG
I don't want to be your fool in this game for two
Bye bye

BLAINE
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream

KATHRYN, SEBASTIAN, ANNETTE, GREG
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me

KATHRYN
I'm only happy when it rains

RONALD AND CECILE
And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film

RONALD AND CECILE (simultaneous with below)
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it"
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got"

MRS. CALDWELL (simultaneous with above)
No, I don't want no scrubs
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the passenger side of his best friend's ride
Trying to holla at me

KATHRYN
I'm only happy when it rains

*THE FOLLOWING SECTIONS ARE ALL SIMULTANEOUS*

KATHRYN
I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it rains

SEBASTIAN AND ANNETTE
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
I can't care 'bout anything but
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
I can't care 'bout anything but

GREG AND BLAINE
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie
I want to see you out that door
Baby, bye bye bye
You may hate me
But it ain't no lie
Bye bye bye
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down

RONALD AND CECILE
And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it"
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down

MRS. CALDWELL
I don't want no scrub
I don't want no scrub
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down

*COUNTERPOINT ENDS*

KATHRYN
I'm only happy when it rains