Crazy Peanuts

Charlie Brown had a big blockhead
Wore a stripy sweater everyday
Tried to kick that football but Lucy always
Pulled the motherfucker away

Flew a kite just to try to relax
But he always put that shit in a tree
And the little redheaded girl
Wouldn’t give no play to poor Chuck B

They were the baddest fuckers in the funny papers-Peanuts!

Onto a security blanket
Linus Van Pelt would latch
He snuggled into that bitch to keep warm
While waiting in the pumpkin patch

He had a stalker named Sally Brown
Well she always tried to get her some
She loved how he knew the meaning of Christmas
And the sexy way he sucked that thumb

Watch out, ‘cause here they come…Peanuts!
Oh Peanuts! Crazy Peanuts!
A bunch of kids trying to be free
Take my hand and let’s dance now
Under Charlie’s shitty Christmas tree

Marci was best friends
With Patty Patty Peppermint
She would love to do things to that girl
That Charles M. Schultz can’t print

Pigpen was a dusty dude
Who couldn’t keep his own ass clean
All the teachers said Wa wa wa wa
Wa wa what does that shit mean?

Watch Out, ‘cause here they come…Peanuts!

Oh Peanuts! Crazy Peanuts!
They comin’ from the school of hard knocks
Life’s not always bowls of candy
Sometimes you just get a bag of rocks

Lucy was a psychiatrist
But her comments always gave offense
And the bitch couldn’t make no money
‘Cause she charged a motherfucker five cents
You know the ladies loved some Schroeder
‘Cause he played the eighty-eights real good
And Franklin was a real cool cat
But the only brother in the hood

Watch out, ‘cause here they come…Peanuts!

Oh Peanuts!! Crazy Peanuts!
Poor Charlie Brown you will never get laid
It’s so hard to get pussy
When you’re the baldest kid in 2nd grade

Oh Peanuts! Crazy Peanuts!
A bunch of kids trying to be free
Take my hand and let’s dance now
Under Charlie’s shitty Christmas tree