All my days
I live with my disgrace
I'm afraid to show my face
Or at least take off my underwear

See I was born
Like a half way neutered pet
I don't have a matching set
It's a part of me
That just ain't there
Please, don't stare

Well I'm a gambling man without two dice
I'm like Uncle Ben with only one grain of rice
Oh to have two testis would be so nice
But I'm half a man
Yeah, I'm half a man

Wanna die
End it all, just call it quits
I can't find a cup that fits
And at baseball games I feel so dumb
When I hear "ball one"?

Oh, my God
How could you have been so cruel
To give me one family jewel
And the one that's there must feel so sad
He's a lonely man
Well I'm a marathon runner with just one leg
I'm a fallopian tube with just one egg
Oh, I want another testi
Do I have to beg?
I'm half a man

Well I'm a tweedle dee with no tweedle dum
And I'm a Siskel and an Ebert with just one thumb
And I'm a Yo Ho Ho with no bottle of rum
I'm just half a man
Yeah, I'm half a man