[Verse 1]
In the woods of northern Michigan he made his home
Didn’t ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone
He got his first real blade at thirteen, that’s when it all began
And soon the creatures of the forest called him Whittlin' Man

[Chorus 1]
Yeah
He whittled all day, and he whittled all night
He whittled, whittled, whittled everything in sight
He whittled on a stick, and he whittled on his shoe
And if you come too close, he's gonna whittle you too
Keep a safe distance if you can
‘Cause you’re never safe around Whittlin' Man

[Verse 2]
Had a stump to sit on, had some wood, had his trusty knife
Whittled out a house, a car, and he whittled himself a wife (Such a beautiful wife)
Whittled out four kids, a swimming pool, and a big Learjet
And so he wouldn’t miss Saved by the Bell, well, he whittled a TV set

[Chorus 2]
Yeah
He whittled if it's light, and he whittled if it’s dark
And if Noah was around, well, he’d whittle him an ark
He whittled something new and he whittled something old
He whittled something hot and he whittled something rather chilly
Keep a safe distance if you can
‘Cause you’re never safe around Whittlin' Man
[Verse 3]
Some say Whittlin' Man’s a genius, still others say he’s just dumb
He’s whittled off a foot, an ear, three fingers, and his left thumb (Boy, is he dumb!)
That won’t stop him, no it won’t
He’ll whittle through thick and thin
Once he’s whittled everything, he’ll just whittle it all again

[Chorus 3]
Yeah
He whittle if it’s white, and he whittle if it’s black
And he whittle on a duck till the duck can't quack
He whittle if it’s dry, and he whittle if it’s juicy
He whittle on Desi and whittle on Lucy
He whittle JFK and whittle Jackie O
He whittle on Larry, Curly and Moe
He whittle Frank Zappa and he whittle Tipper Gore
Whittle, whittle, whittle till he can’t no more
Whittle Shamu and he whittle on Jaws
Whittle Easter Bunny and he whittle Santa Claus
Whittle, whittle, whittle just as fast as he can
Whittle till he’s dead, he’s Whittlin' Man