[Verse 1]
I was watching my TV one night
When they broke in with a special report
About some devastating earthquake in Peru
There were 30,000 crushed to death
Even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale it measured 8.2
And I said "God, please answer me one question
Why'd they have to interrupt The Simpsons just for this?"
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything
And now, I'll have to wait for the rerun
To see the part of the show I missed

[Chorus]
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Ba-ba-ba-ba (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
Ba-ba-ba-ba (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)

[Verse 2]
I was driving down the highway
When all the traffic slowed to a crawl
There was a 12-car pile-up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head
(Disembodied head)
And I thought "Oh Rob, I just had lunch with him
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money, what a jerk!"
Well there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now on top of everything else
It looks like I'm gonna be late to work
[Chorus]
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Ba-ba-ba-ba (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
Ba-ba-ba-ba (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba ba

[Piano Solo]

[Verse 3]
Oh the other day my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So I turned around and stabbed him in the face
(Right in the face)
Oh and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again
(Quite as sharp again)

[Outro]
Oh tell me
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)
Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)
Ba-ba-ba-ba (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
Ba-ba-ba-ba (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba) ...