[Intro: MC Lars]
Ladies and gentleman
This is the victory anthem
Welcome to This Gigantic Robot Kills
We've got my childhood hero, "Weird Al" Yankovic playing accordion on this jam
That means we've made it, guys
This is a song about my life
And it goes a little something like this

[Verse 1: MC Lars]
Since I was 3 I had ADHD
Got in trouble constantly, said, “Just gotta be me!”
Nineteen years later I’ve got this piece of paper
It says “congrats, you’re broke English major”
I still live with Mom and Dad and it’s kind of sad
When this Stanford grad brings ladies to his pad
“What up girl?”
“Aren’t you that rapper with that song about Hot Topic?”
Maybe Bukowski was right about women? “Haha, stop it!”
This is an old-school jam, I’m dropping knowledge like Plato
While most rappers track it backwards and stay flat like Play-Doh
But I’m a Minor Threat, I flip scripts so they know
You can’t taze me bro (“Don’t taze me bro!”)
Not to conceal, keep it surreal
Piss off the British press when I’m like, “Who’s John Peel?”
The NME says, “Lars is well rubbish
His single is bollocks,” but I know that they love this!
[Hook: MC Lars]
I’m MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
It’s my self-referential introduction song
TPFR (true player for real)

I’m MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real!)
The name’s MC Lars now you know the deal
(true player for real)

[Verse 2: MC Lars]
Once upon a time Grandmaster Flash
Inspired these nerds with a culture clash
Once Run-DMC mixed rock guitars
With the kick, snare, kick, kick, snare
Public Enemy took a political stand
Now we pirate these records like damn the man
NWA got attacked by the media
Now we check the facts up on Wikipedia
Can’t get on the stage at the Jay-Z show
So we boot up ProTools and bust a funky flow
Online for free we don’t make dough
Okay just thought I’d let you know
And I can give you 27 reasons why
Post-punk rhymes are just as fly
As anything born from mainstream rap
Till my laptop dies… and I’ll take that back
[Hook: MC Lars]
I’m MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
Still my self-referential introduction song
TPFR (true player for real)

I’m MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real!)
The name’s MC Lars now you know the deal
(true player for real)

[Verse 3: MC Lars]
Like Ralph Waldo Emerson, I stay “Self Reliant”
Genre-defiant, all ages shows with Kobe Bryant
I just checked Billboard, my album’s in the charts
I think therefore I soundscan, right Descartes?
But am I a culture thief making hip-hop sound white?
Haven’t got the right like Lancelot the knight?
No, Camelot’s a myth, and Guinevere’s a slut
So I’ll jump into this mosh pit, pants sagging like “What!”… key change

[Hook: MC Lars]
I’m MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)
Still my self-referential introduction song
TPFR (true player for real)
I’m MC Lars (true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real!)
The name’s MC Lars now you know the deal
(true player for real)

[Outro: MC Lars]
I kill it on stage, with two DI’s, why?
Post-punk laptop rap is the new DIY
(true player for real!)
TPFR (true player for real)

I kill it on stage, with two DI’s, why?
Post-punk laptop rap is the new DIY
TPFR (true player for real)
TPFR (true player for real)

True player…. true player