[Intro]
Is Don in the booth?
He's ready
Ok. Here we go. Loosen up camera two. Cameras one and three, that's fine. In five, four, three, two...
Cue lights, music
Now entering the studio are today's contestants
This is Mr. Millard Snopkin from Carbondale, Illinois
And this is Mr. Leroy Pinkelstein from Brooklyn, New York
And this is Alfred Yankovic from Lynwood, California
These three people will compete today on...Jeopardy

[Verse 1]
I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV
Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D
I was tense, I was nervous
I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight

[Hook]
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Oooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Oooh

[Verse 2]
Oh well I knew I was in trouble now
My hopes of winning sank
Because I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up. Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win
Yeah, yeah

[Hook]
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Oooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Oooh

[Bridge]
That's right Al--you lost!
And let me tell what you didn't win: a twenty-volume set of the Encyclopedia International
A case of Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni
The San Francisco treat
But that's not all! You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people!
And you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come!
You don't get to come back tomorrow!
You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game!
You're a complete loser!!

[Verse 3]
Don't know what I was thinking of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right-ight-ight

[Hook]
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Oooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby
Oooh

[Outro]
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby...