Well, the first thing I want to say is, "Mandate, my ass!"
Because it seems as though we've been convinced
That 26% of the registered voters--
Not even 26% of the American people
But 26% of the registered voters--
Form a mandate, or a landslide

21% voted for Skippy
And 3, 4% voted for somebody else
Who might have been running

But, oh yeah, I remember
In this year that we have now declared
The year from Shogun to Ray-Gun
I remember what I said about Ray-Gun...meant it
Acted like an actor...Hollyweird
Acted like a liberal
Acted like General Franco when he acted like Governor of California
Then he acted like a Republican
Then he acted like somebody was going to vote for him for President
And now we act like 26% of the registered voters is actually a mandate
We're all actors in this, I suppose

What has happened is that, in the last 20 years
America has changed from a producer to a consumer
And all consumers know that when the producer names the tune, the consumer has got to dance
That's the way it is
We used to be a producer – very inflexible at that
And now we are consumers, and finding it difficult to understand
Natural resources and minerals will change your world
The Arabs used to be in the 3rd World
They have bought the 2nd World and put a firm down payment on the 1st one
Controlling your resources will control your world

This country has been surprised by the way the world looks now
They don't know if they want to be Matt Dillon or Bob Dylan
They don't know if they want to be diplomats
Or continue the same policy of nuclear nightmare diplomacy
John Foster Dulles ain't nothing but the name of an airport now

The idea concerns the fact that this country wants nostalgia
They want to go back as far as they can--
Even if it's only as far as last week
Not to face now or tomorrow, but to face backwards

And yesterday was the day of our cinema heroes
Riding to the rescue at the last possible moment
The day of the man in the white hat or the man on the white horse
Or the man who always came to save America at the last moment
Someone always came to save America at the last moment
Especially in "B" movies

And when America found itself having a hard time facing the future, they looked for people like John Wayne
But since John Wayne was no longer available, they settled for Ronald the Ray-Gun
And it has placed us in a situation that we can only look at like a "B" movie
Come with us back to those inglorious days when heroes weren't zeros
Before fair was square
When the cavalry came straight away and all-American men were like Hemingway
To the days of the wondrous "B" movie

The producer underwritten by all the millionaires necessary will be Casper "The Defensive" Weinberger;
No more animated choice is available
The director will be Attila the Haig
Running around frantically declaring himself in control and in charge
The ultimate realization of the inmates taking over at the asylum
The screenplay will be adapted from the book called "Voodoo Economics"
By George "Papa Doc" Bush
Music by the Village People, the very military "Macho Man."

"Company!!!"
"Macho, macho man!"
"Two-three-four."
"He'd like to be . . . Well, you get the point."
"Huuut! Your left! Your left! Your left...right
Left, right, left, right...!"

A theme song for saber-rattling and selling wars door-to-door
Remember, we're looking for the closest thing we can find to John Wayne
Cliches abound like kangaroos courtesy of some spaced out Marlin Perkins, a Reagan contemporary
Cliches like, "itchy trigger finger" and "tall in the saddle"
And "riding off or on into the sunset."
Cliches like, "Get off of my planet by sundown!"
More so than cliches like, "He died with his boots on."
Marine tough, the man is
Bogart tough, the man is
Cagney tough, the man is
Hollywood tough, the man is
Cheap steak tough and Bonzo substantial

The ultimate in synthetic selling:
A Madison Avenue masterpiece
A miracle
A cotton-candy politician
Presto! Macho!

"Macho, macho man!"

Put your orders in, America
And quick as Kodak your leaders duplicate
With the accent being on the dupes
Cause all of a sudden we have fallen prey to selective amnesia
Remembering what we want to remember and forgetting what we choose to forget
All of a sudden, the man who called for a blood bath on our college campuses
Is supposed to be Dudley goddamn Do-Right?

"You go give them Liberals hell, Ronnie."

That was the mandate
To the new "Captain Bligh" on the new ship of fools
It was doubtlessly based on his chameleon performance of the past
As a liberal democrat
As the head of the Studio Actor's Guild
When other celluloid saviors were cringing in terror from McCarthy
Ron stood tall

It goes all the way back from Hollywood to hillbilly
From liberal to libelous, from "Bonzo" to Birch idol...born again
Civil rights, women's rights, gay rights...it's all wrong
Call in the cavalry to disrupt this perception of freedom gone wild
Goddammit...first one wants freedom, then the whole damn world wants freedom

Nostalgia, that's what we want...the good ol' days...
When we gave 'em hell
When the buck stopped somewhere and you could still buy something with it
To a time when movies was in black and white
And so was everything else

Even if we go back to the campaign trail
Before six-gun Ron shot off his face and developed hoof-and-mouth
Before the free press went down before full-court press
And were reluctant to review the menu
Because they knew the only thing available was...crow

Lon Chaney, our Man of a Thousand Faces ...
No match for Ron
Doug Henning does the make-up
Special effects from Grecian Formula 16 and Krazy Glue
Transportation furnished by the David Rockefeller Remote Control Company
Their slogan is, "Why wait for 1984? You can panic now, and avoid the rush."

So much for the good news...

As Wall Street goes, so goes the Nation
And here's a look at the closing numbers:
Racism is up, human rights are down
Peace is shaky, war items are hot
The House claims all ties
Jobs are down, money is scarce
And common sense is at an all-time low with heavy trading
Movies were looking better than ever
And now no one is looking because
We're starring in a "B" movie
And we would rather had John Wayne...
We would rather had John Wayne

You don't need to be in no hurry
And you ain't never really got to worry
And you don't need to check on how you feel
Just keep repeating that none of this is real
And if you're sensing that something's wrong
Well, just remember that it won't be too long
Before the director cuts the scene...yeah

This ain't really your life
Ain't really our life
Ain't really nothing but a movie

[Refrain repeated about 25 times or more in an apocalyptic crescendo with a military cadence.]

This ain't really your life
Ain't really our life
Ain't really nothing but a movie